


Recovery Stint

by aclance12



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Maine's Recovering, Original Character(s), Other, Polyamorous Characters, Wash gets mentioned a lot just not as Wash, bad knowledge about how hospitals and mental wards work, i could never decide between Wash and Maine so why not both
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-03-17 22:36:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13668720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aclance12/pseuds/aclance12
Summary: After the events of Sidewinder, the UNSC cleaned up, dragging Maine out of the ice. He's put in a mental ward on a UNSC military base to recover and heal. He's met with people from his past, two other SPARTANs. There's a psychiatrist named Moriene Thorne, and a kind general with a guilty conscious named Elias Hardings. There's one more person; Hardings wants to find her, Elizabeth Thatcher, a soldier that Maine knew before Freelancer, who is in the wind.





	1. Chapter 1

Hardings came into the hospital wing, a mountain of a man in bandages behind him, being escorted by two other SPARTANs. He was in pitiful shape, field medics must’ve done what they could, his torso was wrapped in gauze, turning pink with blood and his right arm was in a makeshift splint. The poor soul’s face was scratched all to hell and bruised. There was massive scarring on the man’s throat, he was probably mute. It was late, the other patients were in bed, asleep by now. Doctor Thorne gave him a fed up look, putting her clipboard down.

“What have you brought me, Hardings?” She asked, eying up the man in bandages, there was a dead look in his eyes, he was empty. She was good at her job but she was not a miracle worker. Hardings smiled charmingly, a man his age really should not ooze charm in the way that General Elias Hardings did. He clapped the big man on his shoulder, giving him a good natured jostle, only to make a guilty face at seeming to recall the man’s condition.

“This is Agent Maine of Project Freelancer. He was Matthias-2791 before Freelancer picked him up. Then they fucked him up good, the poor boy. He’s broken, Moriene. You’re the best head doctor the UNSC has, can you give it a shot?” Hardings asked, grey eyes warm and pleading. Upon her silence, he sighed.

“None of this was his fault. He needs help. Here’s his file.” Hardings said, handing her his personal data pad, she synced the information to hers and with a bitter look she started to read.

It was a horror show, as hard as the UNSC was on SPARTANs, Project Freelancer went tenfold, entire weeks without resting in between missions, countless injuries, he was almost completely mute. Moriene thought it couldn’t get worse until she got to the end.

_The Sigma AI, originally intended for Agent Carolina, broke Agent Maine’s mind and turned him into a puppet. After the crash of the MOI, the entity known as the Meta went AWOL and two years later started to attack Freelancers and take their equipment and AI, in pursuit of metastability._

_Everything came to an end with an EMP, wiping out the AI in Agent Maine’s head, leaving a broken husk of a man. With Agent Washington, Agent Maine pursued the last AI of Freelancer, the Epsilon Unit. I suppose his motive was to alleviate the silence in his head, to find more power._

_The UNSC reports Agent Maine dead, drowned at the bottom of the cliff on Sidewinder. An unfortunate ending to such a powerful man, but all in the name of science. I, with immense dissatisfaction must deem the metastability experiment a failure. Whatever the Director’s desire to find it, he cannot. AI are meant to exist for a very short period of time, and then be deleted, no matter the cost._

_Aiden Price, Counselor of Project Freelancer_

Moriene read the name with a sour taste in her mouth. Aiden Price has been a fellow graduate in her class. He was stripped of his license not five years after they graduated. Then he disappeared, he was a modern day Sigmund Freud, unethical and willing to do anything to get the results he desired. If Agent Maine was a victim of Aiden Price, then Moriene had no choice but to at least try to help the poor soul. She looked up at Maine, gazing into his eyes.

“Is he safe for civilians? And normal soldiers? I can’t help him if he attacks my other patients.” Moriene asked.

“He’s been docile since we pulled him out of the ice. I think he’s still in shock. He had an AI for a very short period of time. I suggest getting him in a room and cuffing him till he comes to.” Hardings answered her.

“What are the extent of his injuries? It looks like he needs to get some medical treatment.” Moriene asked, approaching the broken SPARTAN and gingerly feeling up his ribcage, he gave a pained growl, hissing as he exhaled. A sympathetic pang blossomed in Moriene’s chest, she gazed up at him, looking him in the face. His eyes may have been dead but his face still portrayed pain, this man could be helped. The lady SPARTAN next to him laid a hand on his shoulder.

“Easy Matthias, she’s just checking you out. She’s trying to help.” She said softly, catty green eyes worried.

“Well, he single handedly fought off six sim troopers, one of them had their hands on a plasma sword somehow, got in a good shot, there were two other Freelancers that did a good deal of damage, stabs wounds, some shrapnel, oh and they threw him off a cliff. Resourceful bunch, those sim troopers.” Hardings said, an impressed hint in his voice. Moriene gave Hardings a glare.

He was a SPARTAN, broken bones would heal quickly with rest, as would the stab wounds, the plasma would worried her, those were burns more than stabs.

“I’m going to order some x-rays, to get the extent of his injuries. I’ll try to help him, Elias, but I’m not a miracle worker. I’ve seen my fair share of broken SPARTANS, but this man had been shattered, and then broken some more. He may never recover.” Moriene said, turning to the counter and grabbing a check in form.

“We’ll sign him in as John Doe, considering we told Freelancer Agent Maine was dead.” Hardings said, Moriene nodded and wrote down the name.

“Does he have any surviving family?” Moriene asked.

“There’s us.” The lady SPARTAN spoke up. Hardings looked at her with a gentle expression and nodded. The SPARTANs weren't what Moriene meant when she asked about family.

“No, Moriene… they’re gone, I already looked.” Hardings said with difficulty. Moriene looked at Matthias in sympathy, he had the SPARTANs, but otherwise he was alone.

“There is one person, her name is Elizabeth Thatcher-” Hardings started. The name caught her attention instantly, Matthias had been deployed to protect two soldiers after an attack on their base, evac had been impossible but the UNSC risked dropping a SPARTAN from orbit. Thatcher had been reported to be the only one of the trio to survive to war.

“The soldier from Lucaine? What does she have to do with this?” Moriene asked.

“Just, she knew him from before Freelancer, maybe she could help, she’s got a masters in psychology, she might be useful.” Hardings suggested. Moriene hummed, curiously and made a note in the beginnings of Matthias’s chart.

“Okay, bring him.” Moriene said after she finished filling out the chart, Matthias had been standing long enough, it’s time he got a decent rest, even if he had to be chained to a bed. She led the way to an emptier part of the wing, if he got loose and was violent, Moriene wanted him to be as far away from her other patients as possible. She opened the door and went it.

“If you’ll lay down please, you need to rest.” She told him directly, Moriene felt bad for those being the first words she spoke directly to him. His dead eyes gazed at her for a moment before looking at the bed. A groaning hiss and he stepped forward, sitting on the bed and then laying out, another groan and his eyes shut. Hardings took out a key and some cuffs.

“Sorry, son. This is just precaution.” He apologized, carefully seizing Matthias’s hand and slipping the cuffs on, his eyes opened back, warily studying the general as he clicked the other cuff to the bed rail.

“If you become lucid again, we’ll assess you and then determine whether or not you’re safe to be unrestrained.” Moriene told him. She’d seen this before in a few soldiers, they were never lucid again and spent the rest of their days floating through life at the mercy of whoever they were stuck with.

“I don’t like this Marcus.” Eva said quietly to the other SPARTAN, Moriene sent her a glance. Eva had to understand to some extent, she just had to.

“It’s just precaution, think of it as protecting him.” Marcus said back to her. Eva scowled and shook her head.

“We should’ve been there… if he hadn’t got hurt so badly-”

“There’s nothing we could have done, Eva.” Moriene sighed, giving Matthias another glance, from the looks of it he’d returned to sleep, great chest expanding like a bellows, garbled breathing eliciting from him.

“We’ll do our best to repair him, Eva.” Moriene said, slipping the ear pieces of her stethoscope in place and slipping the chest piece under the edges of gauze to get a listen to his lungs. She didn’t hear any liquid, so that was good. They would do the x-rays in the morning when he’d gotten a proper rest.

“Can one of us stay?” Eva asked, Hardings looked at Moriene with those eyes of his, how such a kind man managed to become a four star general and retain his kindness was a mystery to Moriene.

“We do need someone that could restrain him on hand should things take a turn, one of you can stay.” Moriene said, it was an excuse but a practical one.

“Perhaps we could take shifts? I’ll start tonight and Eva can come in tomorrow morning?” Marcus suggested.

“If your missions interfere you have to go, we’ll send for someone else, but that’s fine with me if Doctor Thorne is okay with it.” Hardings said, she nodded wordlessly as she took a pair of scissors and started to cut away at the gauze, he startled awake, a hand coming down on her wrist to stop her, gentle to deter Moriene, but not hurt her, eyes wide and alive with panic. She stared for a moment at the hotwired look on his face.

“I’m just looking over your wounds, it’s okay, field medics can only do so much, they need to be re-treated.” She spoke softly to him. His eyes darted around, aware but unrecognizing. He leaned back into the bed with a groan, every muscle in his body relaxing and his eyes closing again, he heaved his breaths. Pain, so much pain on his face. Not all of it physical. He was coming back to himself, Moriene believed.

Marcus took up watch by the window as Hardings and Eva left, the massive soldier even bigger than Matthias was quiet, he had a pleasant aura about him. He felt safe. Moriene got to work on Matthias, studying the plasma burn and the numerous stab wounds, there was a couple deep slashes across his chest.

“He’s got a few injuries on his back as well, if he’ll let you look at those.” Marcus said quietly. Moriene looked up at him. There was a haunted look in his eyes, he knew Matthias before Freelancer. Why was Thatcher so important? Moriene shouldn’t question it, Elias knew what he was doing.

“Will you turn over? I know with the cuffs it’s difficult but I need to see.” Moriene asked, his eyes opened again, gazing at her with pain, but turned onto his side with a groan not unlike a wounded farm animal. He just wanted to rest, she could tell. A few more stabs, plenty more bruising. An ugly black tattoo, looking to be an amalgamation of Greek letters was tattooed down the back of his head.

She treated the injuries as she could for now, doing her best job as quick as she could. He needed rest, these would heal if the man could just sleep. When she was done, Matthias turned back over and went to sleep.

“Thank you, Doctor. Matthias was kind before Freelancer, I’m sure he was during as well, but… He just deserves a second chance. He’s a good man. He wouldn’t have done anything the Meta had done if it was up to him. I need you to know that, Doctor Thorne.” Marcus told her. Moriene gave a long sigh, looking at Matthias now asleep in the bed. No more interruptions for tonight.

“I’m going to do my best to help him, Marcus. But if he’s as broken as I think he is it’s going to be an uphill battle.” Moriene said, the soldier by the window smiled.

“He’s a SPARTAN, Doctor, uphill battles are one of his strong suits.”

Moriene entered her office with a huff and started a recording.

“Hardings brought in a Freelancer tonight, Agent Maine. He was previously the SPARTAN tagged Matthias-2791 with the UNSC. He’s been abused and broken for years, this will be an incredibly hard recovery, right now he’s unresponsive, may be for the rest of is life. However I have reason to believe if he does become lucid again he will have identity issues, so when, if he become responsive again we will need to determine his mindset and identity, potential for dissociative identity disorder.”

The following morning, after making rounds with her patients, dodging the nosy Rick’s questions about the ‘big fugger in the room across the wing,’ she went to go check on Matthias. Entering the room, it was dark, the curtains were drawn from last night, she scowled and crossed over to the window, where was Eva? She pulled the curtains back and sunlight filtered into the room. There was a hiss and a growl from her patient, she looked at him. He blinked in the light of the late morning sun, despite his growls, he looked grateful rather than annoyed.

She checked his vitals, things were looking good, a nurse had come and redone his bandages. Moriene wanted to do the x-rays, but she needed a SPARTAN here to make sure he would not hurt anyone should his mental state take a turn for the worse. Almost as though on cue, Eva stepped in, a cup of coffee in hand.

“How long have you been awake, Matthias?” Eva asked, ignoring Moriene and walking further into the room. To this, he said nothing, just stared blankly. Moriene pursed her lips, writing down that he was selectively reactive to stimuli.

“We need to get his x-rays today, Eva. Can you help with that?” Moriene asked as she tucked away her notepad.

“Yeah.” She replied simply, taking a sip of her coffee. “Why won’t he talk to us?” Eva asked. Moriene sighed, walking over to his side and standing still for a moment. Matthias raised his steely blue eyes to look at her, perhaps questioning.

“Do you know your name?” She asked him. His eyebrow twitched, it may have been involuntary, but he continued to stare blankly at her.

“I don’t think he knows who he is, Eva. He’s survived a great trauma, and it was repetitive at that. He’s not going to get better overnight. Now help me move him.” Moriene told her.

She stared at the x-rays in shock. So much damage, new and otherwise. Freelancer had not been forgiving, not even a little. Spiderwebs of reconstruction on basically every bone in his body. Skull was fine though, aside from a few repaired bullet wounds. Compared to the rest of the damage, they weren't that bad. Moriene was glad for that. She looked at him from the x-ray light. He was watching her intently, studying her. Moriene hummed, returning her attention to the images.

“You’ve survived quite a lot, Matthias. I’m horrified and impressed.” She said. There was silence other than Eva’s chuckle.

“You should see my x-rays, doc.” She said, approaching. The light reflected in her eyes and disgust of her own crossed her face.

“What the shit.” She gasped, Eva turned her attention to the man in the bed, who had turned his attention to gazing out the window.

“Matthias, what the fuck?” She asked in disdain. Shoulders bristled and stance wide, she looked like she could be on the attack as she made her way over to the bed. Moriene grabbed Eva’s arm, keeping her from going over to him.

“Easy. Gentle body language. It wasn’t his fault, remember that.” Eva frowned, giving a deep sigh, seeming to deflate and went over to him, Eva took his hand in hers, causing a little jump but otherwise no reaction.

“What the hell did they do to you?” Matthias simply stared. Eva gave a subtle shake, was she crying? Moriene felt it best not to investigate. So she slipped out of the room.

SPARTANs had a special bond with one another, if Moriene saw one of her siblings in such a sorry state she would be acting just like Eva. Moriene absently thought to give her sister a phone call.

Seeing her brother like this made Eva want to pound those responsible into the dust. He used to have wavy black hair that he was proud of, and a glisten in his eyes. He was quieter than most of them, but his eyes spoke volumes. Now they were hauntingly empty, and that ugly back tattoo on the back of his head mocked her. Matthias had been sarcastic and witty when he did speak, and though deep, like most of their voices, his had carried a softness to it. How could this have become of one of the best men she knew? She’d find that Director herself and rip his damn head off.

Doctor Thorne had slipped out, leaving her alone with the empty husk of Matthias 2791. She huffed, sinking into her chair.

“Remember when we met? We were both terrified. But Marcus came up to us, he was already big. He wrapped us in his arms and promised us everything would be okay. We’d watch out for each other. We were supposed to watch out for each other… we should’ve been there, Matthias. I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. Patrick keeps telling me this isn’t my fault. I know it’s not. But I can’t keep from blaming myself.” She said, her heart feeling heavy. He gazed with empty eyes as she swallowed her sobs. She had to keep it together. Matthias was in there somewhere, she just knew it. If he was, when he came around, he’d never let her live this down.

Eva laughed bitterly at the thought of it.

“I like your new ink, the flowers, not that thing on the back of your head, that’s just creepy. You’ll have to grow your hair back out to cover that.” Eva said, trying to get away from her hurt. Something in Matthias’s eyes shifted and Eva squinted at him.

“Hardings keeps talking about Thatcher. You remember her? One of the soldiers from Lucaine. Do you remember?” Eva asked. His eyes cut away from her, something like shame coming across his face and Eva tilted her head.

“Hey, look at me.” Eva demanded softly. A growl elicited from his throat, no words.

The first time she and Marcus heard him speak was when they got on Sidewinder, a soldier named Marks had called them in because Matthias had been acting difficult, hostile but only because he was scared, holed up in the fort and attacking, but not killing, whoever came in.

They had needed someone who could move a hard headed SPARTAN. He stood in regulation EVA armor, not MJOLNIR, which was her first sign of corruption from Freelancer. Blood had been seeping down the front of his stark white chest plate from several places. There was a wild animal light in his eyes and he was afraid. He had growled at them, not recognizing his siblings.

 _“What’s happening? Who am I? Where am I?”_ That was the first heartbreak of many since she’d seen him for the first time after all these years. Marcus managed to calm him down by overpowering him to get close to Matthias, his usual brand comfort was being handsy, taking Matthias’s beaten face in hands, bravely pressing their foreheads together and speaking softly, gazing gently into their brother’s eyes. Marcus had come from a colony where this level of intimacy was actually the norm.

“You can trust us. We’re here to help, don’t you know two of your siblings when you see them?” She watched the tension slip from Matthias’s body, the fear ebbing away to give to a muted consciousness. Marcus had pulled back with a smug little smile, telling the medics it was safe to treat him now. He hadn’t known this was what Matthias was now, fear and emptiness, neither one of them even thought about it.

Eva stayed with him that night, only really needing to sleep every now and then, but apparently Matthias had slipped into the habit of sleeping nightly. So it actually startled her when he jolted awake in the middle of the night, roaring, a loud splintering sound and he was free of the bed. The rail clattered loudly to the ground.

 _“Wash?! Wash? Where’s Wash?”_ Eva leapt forward, locking her arms around him, forcing him to be still, she guiltily knew she was hurting his nearly shattered rib cage. She shushed him gently, trying to calm him down.

“Matthias, it’s okay! Calm down, it’s okay!” She urged softly as he thrashed. Pained roared escaped from him. She loosened her grip, careful not to let him slip out of her arms.

“Do you know where you are? Listen to me, Wash isn’t here,” Whoever the fuck that was, “But if you calm down, you’ll get to see him again, sooner or later, do you understand?” She told him softly, trying to emulate Marcus’s tone, but Marcus was just a wonder at this sort of thing.

It worked though, Matthias went limp in her arms and she turned him around, having had her front pressed tightly to his back. She took him gently by the jaw. His eyes avoided her as he heaved his breaths painfully.

“Do you know who you are?” She asked. His eyes squeezed shut and he growled. Maybe he didn’t want to remember. She realized this, thinking it should have shocked her, but it didn’t. If she had done what he did and had the opportunity to forget it, she would.

The nurses came in, quickly injecting Matthias with a tranquilizer and Eva ushered him back to the broken bed. She chewed on her bottom lip as he passed out.

Doctor Thorne came in around ten in the morning, Marcus accompanying her. Eva stood up from the seat, twisting and popping her spine.

“What the hell happened?” Thorne asked, seeing the broken bed rail leaning against the wall near the window. Eva huffed and took a swig from her coffee, and explained the previous night’s events. She had to shoo off that nosy soldier earlier today, she wasn’t in a great mood this morning. Thorne frowned distastefully.

“He mentioned a ‘Wash?’ General Hardings said something about an Agent Washington, I assume the two correlate.” She said, making a note in her data pad. Then Thorne sighed.

“Go home, Eva, I think Patrick has been looking for you.” She instructed as Marcus moved further into the room.

“What if he doesn’t want to remember, not that he can’t?” Eva asked, having spent all night since that realization worrying about it. Thorne looked at her over the rim of her glasses, Marcus gazed at Matthias, who was still unconscious, sympathetically.

“If Matthias doesn’t want to remember, forcing him will only do more damage.” Thorne said. Eva scowled, looking back outside, tugging her hands through her short hair.

“How long has he been unconscious?” Thorne asked, gazing at his chart.

“Since about three this morning. Nurses said they gave him a twelve hour dose. Might be a little less before he wakes up though. Not that him being awake makes any difference.” Eva said bitterly, slinging her overnight back over her shoulder. Marcus looked at her apologetically. She shook her head.

“It’ll be okay, Eva.” He told her grabbing her hand as she walked by. Eva huffed and groaned.

“Do you really think so?” She asked, staring into his eyes intently.

Marcus settled down in the chair Eva had abandoned and gazed out the window. She had a right to be upset about this. Marcus was and the brothers and sisters that hadn’t even known Matthias were upset about how Freelancer had treated him. They were expected to be war machines, they knew that, but what Freelancer did to Matthias had been wrong, beyond wrong, inhumane.

There were grunts from Matthias that broke Marcus from his train of thought. He looked up, seeing him sitting up in the bed.

“Good morning.” He said simply, Matthias’s eyes turned to him and he looked around some more.

 _“Is there food?”_ He asked, the man hadn’t eaten what was brought to him, too caught up in his daze, so they hooked him up to a nutrient drip, seeing as for a SPARTAN, he was horribly underweight. Marcus figured if he had been in peak health on Sidewinder he wouldn’t have dropped. SPARTANs needed a healthy layer of fat in order to work properly, they needed to rest but not necessarily sleep, Matthias looked as though he hadn’t rested in years. He was broken in more ways than one. Marcus let his feet down from the window sill and stood up.

“I’ll go tell a nurse you’re asking for food.” Marcus said, leaving the room and looking around for an employee. He managed to find an orderly and inform him of Matthias’s request, he was told it would be a few minutes and then went back to the room.

Matthias was tugging curiously at the cuffs keeping him attached to the bed, Marcus wasn’t sure if they’d let him out to let him eat or not, because with his right arm in a sling, that wasn’t going to work.

“Do you know who you are?” Marcus asked, bringing the chair near the window and setting it down next to his bed. Matthias grumbled.

 _“No, why is it so important to you two?”_ He asked almost bitterly, Marcus rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. Well his personality was coming back, nice to see that. Marcus tilted his head downwards.

“Well, we know you, from before you forgot who you were. We missed you.” Marcus said. Matthias raised his eyes to look at him but didn’t say anything. The nurse Marcus found came in with a tray of food. Thorne came in behind him, pulling out the key to the cuff. She released him and turned the table attached to the bed in front of Matthias and the orderly set the tray down, then basically ran away.

“How are you, Matthias?” She asked. He didn’t respond. Thorne didn’t seem very happy about that.

“Still selectively reacting, I see.” She mumbled, perhaps a bitter look in her eyes. If he didn’t start at least addressing her she wasn’t going to be able to help.

He picked up the bowl of broth and straight downed it, something told Marcus that Matthias getting sick was not something they were going to have to worry about. Thorne made a face and carefully removed the IV drip from Matthias’s arm. Him eating must not have been a concern of hers anymore, considering how he was wolfing down the food now.

“As long as you or Eva are here, until I can truly confirm his mental state, we can leave the cuffs off.” Thorne told Marcus, he nodded.

“That’s good. I think he’ll appreciate it.” He told her. Thorne nodded and left the room in a huff. It had only been a few days, he wasn’t sure why she was so bothered by Matthias’s refusal to engage. Marcus had seen flickers of the person Matthias used to be, it was only a matter of time, he was sure.


	2. Chapter 2

Moriene studied him, Matthias had been… emoting more. He spoke to the SPARTANs on the rarest of occasions but still flat out didn’t speak to her or the staff. Hardings himself had tried once, only getting empty stares and heavy sighs that sounded like purrs. But despite Matthias's refusal to talk to any of the staff, he seemed to be coming around. He was healing nicely, taking a little longer than a SPARTAN usually would, given his condition, Moriene was glad for the absence of complications.

Matthias has been placed in a sleep study, to see if his nightmares could be helped, he’d broken his third bed last week and she couldn’t just keep replacing them, her budget may have been nice and padded, but there wasn’t a lot of wiggle room.

“Why not just let the poor soul sleep without the cuffs on?” Hardings suggested. He leaned against the wall, gazing at the camera feed from inside the room.

“That would fix him breaking his beds, but I intend to find a way to keep him from having nightmares.” Moriene told Elias. The general huffed; since the end of the war, he had a lot more free time to himself. However it didn’t quite explain why he spent so much time trying to fix a broken SPARTAN. They broke, it was a result of their purpose, to bear a burden no one else could. Although it didn’t really seem as though SPARTANs could themselves.

“Isn’t there a medicine for that?” Hardings replied. Moriene nodded, curling her fingers around her arms as she crossed them over her chest.

“I don’t like the side effects so I don’t give them to my patients. It makes them drowsy constantly and unresponsive. Matthias already has one of these problems, I don’t want him spending half his time sleeping.” Moriene said, turning her gaze to the general. He hummed and took a drink of his coffee.

“I believe dreams are the brain’s way of processing things. They may not make sense or even relate to the events of the day, but it’s how it’s done. It’s why deep REM sleep is so important to memory.” She stopped on her next thought as Matthias’s eyes opened. He did not startle awake, which was good, no signs of distress.

“Is everything okay, Matthias?” She spoke into the intercom, he turned his attention to the speaker, eyes gazing intently at the camera. Would he say something? Over the last two weeks, Moriene had figured out how to listen and observe him speak, she could understand and and decider the growls almost as well as Marcus or Eva.

“Thatcher’s in the wind.” Elias said. Moriene looked at him, quirking a brow.

“What do you mean by that?” Moriene asked, returning her attention to watch Matthias stand and walk about the room, observing the walls, looking around.

“Disappeared eight years ago. Must’ve went off the grid. We’ve got reported sightings of her in her hometown but she’s never around long. We’ve spoken with her mother about her. There’s something the woman isn’t telling us. I intend to check in at least once a month. If she keeps up her pattern, we should be able to find her soon, despite her seeming to have disappeared off the face of the planet.” Hardings said, Moriene hummed, she wasn’t quite so sure why Elias was so hellbent on getting that soldier to Matthias.

“I don’t even know if he’s going to want to see her, why are you so intent on bringing her here?” Moriene asked, deciding to ask the man instead of simply musing as to why. Hardings sighed.

“I know what seeing people from before the war did for me. It stabilized me, helped me find myself before I went off the deep end.” He told her.

“He met her during the war though.” Moriene.

“War’s not where he got most of his trauma from.” Elias said simply. Moriene scowled, that was actually a very good observation. However she figured she would let it slide, you don’t become a four star general by being a blind oaf. Matthias sat back down on the bed, eyes searching. What was he looking for?

“Matthias, are you searching for something we can bring you?” Moriene asked through the intercom. Once more she was met with the absence of a reply. She was starting to get worried.

“I’m not sure if I can help him, Elias.” Moriene told the general.

“Why not?” He sounded upset and hurt. Perhaps even a smidge distraught.

“Two weeks are about to pass. It’s rare that I’ve seen patients be unresponsive to me this long and them actually manage to recover. I want to help him, I really do, but…” She looked through the mirror, gasping as she saw him standing there, eyes set on her own despite the two-way mirror. Her heart raced, for someone so large he was quiet on his feet. The general laughed softly, amused by the doctor’ fright.

“I think he’s just restless, Moriene.” Elias told her. She sent a glare at him. He smiled in good nature.

“There’s always a SPARTAN or two walking around at all hours of the morning.”

The look in Matthias’s eyes was not threatening, like he was trying to figure her out. Moriene had half expected it, usually badly broken patients did try to figure out what she wanted from them. Most of them came around to realize that she wanted nothing from them. Others were still convinced Moriene was trying to get something out of them. Well technically she was, but what she was trying to draw forth was for their own good, not her gain. Those patients were usually survivors of severe abuse.

“I think he misses someone.” Elias said softly, seeing the subtle look of longing in his eyes.

“Who?” Moriene asked. Matthias was there, just unresponsive, so that was good.

“Agent Washington perhaps? Notes said they were together, that and he’s who Matthias was calling for before, wasn’t he?” Hardings asked.

So he was lonely. Usually when he woke up in the middle of the night, Marcus or Eva were there. Both had been called away on a mission and there hadn’t been a SPARTAN on base to replace them.

“I’m going to go sit with him.” Moriene said, realizing it was against protocol, also that it could be read as unprofessional but this man was so broken, she also figured it would be a good opportunity to gain his trust.

“Be careful.” Hardings told her, not seeming to disagree with her and having no intentions of stopping her as she had half hoped. This is was why Hardings chose Moriene though, she invested herself into her patient’s well being. They weren’t just a part of her job. They were people that needed help. She walked quietly out of the observation room and into the bedroom. It was dark in the room, the only things Moriene could see was Matthias’s hulking form near the window and the vague outline of the furniture in the room.

“Would you like me to sit with you?” She asked simply. There was a hiss from Matthias:

_“Where’s Eva?”_ She was elated, nearly wanted to scream with joy, he verbally addressed her! Finally! Yes! She didn’t care what it was about, just that he did!

“She and Marcus have been called away on missions, you should get back into bed and sleep. You must know how bad off you are, you need to rest if you want to be better.” She said, mindful to keep her tone as level as possible despite her glee as she carefully felt her way over to the table and chairs opposing the bed. She didn’t dare get as close as Marcus would, who usually set up his vigil merely two feet away from Matthias’s bed, worrying over him as older brothers do when siblings are in bad health.

Matthias gave a wordless hiss, what would have perhaps been a grunt if his throat had not been ruined, and she watched his shape move back to the bed and settle down as she took a seat in the chair, scared that she would miss and tumble to the ground. Even in the dark, she felt his eyes on her. Moriene folded her hands neatly in her lap and sighed. She didn’t know if Matthias meant to sleep or just to appease her.

_“Who else is in there? I heard you both talking.”_ Matthias asked, she rose her eyes to him.

“General Hardings, the man that brought you here, do you remember that?” She replied, if he was going to talk to her, she might as well try to get on grip on exactly what he remembered before he decided to stop.

_“Yes.”_ Matthias answered simply. Moriene nodded. _“Who are you?”_ He asked, she realized with a jolt she hadn’t actually introduced herself to him in the two weeks he had been her patient. She felt a heavy guilt at this; she’d been so intent on getting him out of his unresponsive stage that Moriene hadn’t even thought to properly introduce herself.

“I’m Moriene Thorne, the psychiatrist in charge of helping you get better. I know you were manipulated by Aiden Price, I’m trying to right that.” She said, knowing he might be distrusting of doctors and psychiatrists. Also knowing that he may never trust her no matter how hard she tried to get him too. The distrusting ones could still be helped. The only reason she couldn’t help someone unresponsive was because if they chose to ignore reality and just drift through life, nothing Moriene could even hope to do could help.

Matthias did not say anything. However, deep restful breaths began to ring into the room and Moriene smiled to herself. He was talking to her, good. That was a good start.

Eva watched as Thorne worked on Matthias, he lay in the bed like an obedient dog, watching her lazily. Eva observed the quiet contentedness on his face, apparently he was beginning to trust the doctor.

“His sleep study reveal anything?” Eva asked as Thorne carefully checked over his stitches, gently applying a salve to the plasma wound on his ribs. He was starting to heal quicker, the map of bruises was already gone, every time Eva had witnessed his bandages getting changed, the slashes on his chest had shrunk by at least an inch.

“Nothing we didn’t already know, although it proved beneficial to our doctor/patient relationship.” Thorne said, her eyes intent on her work, carefully feeling over his ribcage, Matthias sucked in a breath, eyes squeezing shut in pain. Thorne made a face.

“I’m sorry. I think we need another set of x-rays. With SPARTANs it can be hard to tell just how much healing has been done. I’m afraid you’ve exacerbated one of your fractures during one of your night terrors.” Moriene told him. He groaned, opening his eyes.

Sleeping cuffed to a bed did have some benefits, it kept his range of motion to a minimum, even if he did manage to break free from time to time. But the breaking of beds couldn’t be excused and honestly it was starting to bother Moriene that they had someone they were trying to help chained to a bed. Restriction of the such were not uncommon in the earliest days of psychiatry, but it was frowned upon now, if it could be helped.

As she stepped back, Matthias carefully swung his legs over the edge of the bed, arm wrapped around his rib cage, careful not to jostle his other arm, he made a pained face as he stood. Eva gazed at him, concerned. SPARTANs typically ignored their injuries for literally as long as possible. If they weren’t dead, they still had to fight. She’d heard stories about the ‘Spiral’; Matthias had taken a sniper bullet to the chest and gotten shot in the throat, he kept fighting until he was literally thrown off the highway, reports said he even managed to get himself to medical without too much help.

But that was a well taken care of Matthias, not unlike a well oiled machine, he was able to keep going as long as his need were met properly. This man in front of her, skin and bones by SPARTAN standards, had been barely clinging to life even before his fall on Sidewinder.

She stepped forward, tenderly wrapping an arm around his back to give him extra support. Matthias grumbled his thanks to her, leaning on her a little.

“Just take it easy.” She told him softly. He huffed, wincing again. Moriene watched with intent eyes. She wondered if he trusted Eva and Marcus simply because they too were SPARTANs, or if he actually knew who they were.

“Do you know her, Matthias, from before the hospital?” Moriene asked. He stopped, looking at her with a frightful- no, distressful look in his eyes as he looked between Moriene and Eva. The light in Eva’s eyes was heartbreaking and Moriene nearly instantly regretted asking him.

“It’s okay, Matthias. That’s okay that you don’t remember me.” She said softly, trying to ease him of the guilt that was clearly beginning to consume him. Eva sent a dirty look to the doctor. Now why did she have to go an do that for? Eva could tell by her quizzatical expression she hadn’t meant it in any harmful way. She couldn’t have waited to ask though, maybe in a better situation?

Moriene guiltily studied the x-rays, trying to forget the look on Matthias’s face. She still had this awful lump in her throat that she couldn’t quite swallow down. Although getting patients to address things they didn't want to was part of her job, it always bothered her when she unintentionally caused her patients to address something they were trying to avoid. If she just had a way into Matthias’s head…

If she had a way into a patient’s head her job would become leaps and bounds easier. The spider webbing on Matthias’s rib cage had gotten worse. The flesh wounds were healing nicely, but that was with the daily and nightly cleaning. She might have to put him on that medication, just until his breaks healed. She was honestly surprised he didn’t have a back injury. The human body, augmented or not, was amazing, truly.

“So… I assume you don’t really remember Marcus and Eva.” Moriene said, deciding to address the situation. He looked up from the table, he really should be in bed. Matthias didn’t speak to her instantly, she thought that maybe he wouldn’t speak at all.

_“No. Marcus told me we were siblings. So I trust them.”_ He told her softly. Moriene nodded.

“What do you know, Matthias?” She asked. This was how she got into her patients’ heads. He thumbed at the sheet of paper he had been gazing at. She had placed a sheet of paper and pen in front of him, to see if he would communicate better if he had an outlet.

_“I know I’m broken. But I hardly know why. That general said something about an AI.”_ Matthias made a face, a spark of worry in her chest.

“The AI’s name was Sigma, do you remember that?”

A light went on in his eyes and Matthias stood, slapping a hand over the AI port on the back of his neck.

_“Metastability… he wanted metastability… to be whole again."_ His gaze was distant and wary, eyes flicking back and forth in a muted panic. Matthias was suddenly somewhere else.

Eva cautiously stood, an arm out, stepping in between him and the doctor. This had to happen, sooner or later, Thorne had to dig in to help. She had to do this, this was her job. Eva couldn’t let her get hurt for just doing her job. Eva carefully approached, taking his face in her hands. He stared wide eyed and terrified at the floor, jaw clenched teeth bared.

_“Carolina… he made me- North...”_ A massive tremor passed through him, and he hissed brokenly, _“He made me hurt people I cared about… I never wanted that… I never wanted to hurt them.”_

“Matthias.” Eva called his name. He didn’t react. He didn’t speak anymore. “Look at me.” She urged on. Every muscle in his body was clenched.

“He needs to relax. He’s only going to make things worse.” Thorne said. Eva gave her a glare over her shoulder. She fucking knew that.

“Hey, hey, Matthias, calm down, come back to us. It’s okay, if he made you do those things it wasn’t you.” She told him, carefully swiping her thumb across his cheekbone.

_“But it was me… after the EMP, who else could it have been? I was the one that hurt Wash.”_ That Wash character again, Eva had heard Hardings mention him a couple times, but she didn't know who he was. 

The _click, click, click_ of the doctor’s kitten heels sounded determined and quick as she crossed the room, laying a hand on Matthias’s shoulder, she set him with stern brown eyes. Her other hand curling around his jaw to gently turn his eyes to her.

“No, Matthias. Listen to me. You may not have wanted those AI in your head but when they were ripped away so suddenly, it was traumatic, and you entered a dissociative fugue state to cope with the loss. You did what made sense to you because it was what you had been doing for so long. You are not responsible for responding to trauma in the only way you knew how.” Thorne lectured. He stared at her, still trembling.

Moriene took a step back afraid of him lashing out… until he leaned heavily into Eva closing his eyes.

“Do you know who you are?” Moriene asked, sensing a bigger shift in him than usual. As Eva carefully wrapped her arms around him, he groaned.

_“I’m Maine.”_ He said simply, opening his eyes to look at her from Eva’s shoulders.

“Do you know anything else?” She continued. Eva’s eyes snapped open and she glared at Moriene, catty eyes intense as she growled at the doctor.

“Leave him alone, Thorne. You’ve pushed him enough for now. You said he needs to relax, he’s not going to if you keep bothering him.” Eva demanded. Moriene backed off. She didn’t have to be told twice.

As the doctor slipped out, Matthias didn’t make any motion to move. Eva huffed, feeling her brother’s pain.

“I’m sorry.” She said.

_“It’s not your fault.”_ He mumbled against her.

“It’s not yours either.” Eva tried, Matthias shook his head awkwardly against her. She tried to pull back but his good arm tightened on her side.

_“Please stay.”_

Eva sighed again, closed her eyes and stood there, holding her broken brother. These people better be as good as Hardings believed, because the only things she’d seen them do was hurt him.

Marcus switched out with Eva around six, just before dinner at the mental wing. She caught him up on the events of the day; he was glad to know Matthias was addressing himself now. However he was concerned with the guilt Matthias was plagued with. Though, Marcus felt it would ebb away with time and attention. He just needed help. Eva was suspicious of the doctors, and that was putting it lightly, but Marcus had more faith in them. He too, at one point had been broken and damaged, with the proper help he was better, not perfect, but better.

Marcus took up his usual spot at Matthias’s bedside. He was awake, avidly watching the television in the corner instead of his usual blank stare in the direction of any stimuli.

“Eva said you don’t really remember us.” He said. Matthias’s eyes lowered to the ground, but he didn’t look at Marcus. He hadn’t expected much else.

“It’s okay that you don’t. We just want you to get better. We still care about you.” Marcus continued. Matthias frowned, looking down at the blanket, worry in his eyes. Marcus laid a hand on Matthias’s shoulder.

“We’ll help you.” He told him, hoping Matthias understood that they didn't expect anything from him other than to heal and get better.


	3. Chapter 3

He stared at his reflection in the mirror. Maine was much shaggier than he remembered. The same steely blue eyes gazed back at him, however they carried more weight than before. The bags under his eyes were starting to disappear. The sickly yellow hue of his skin was starting to darken back to its natural tan tone. His hair was starting to grow back, he used to keep it buzzed, then… he wondered vaguely about how much it would cost to get the giant black tattoo on the back of his head removed.  Maine was just glad he was starting to look like himself again.

Of course his last memory of truly being himself was years ago. Maine had been conscious and responsive, as Thorne put it, for a week now. He was addressing himself and others. There was a scraggly looking ex-soldier named Rick that bothered him from time to time. Thorne had been half terrified that Maine was going to put him through the wall. Maine was more patient than most people believed. He was rough and destructive only when he had to be. Otherwise he liked to be gentle.

“Matthias? You in here, bud?” Eva’s voice broke the silence. Maine looked over his shoulder through the bathroom door and into his bedroom. She walked in, her figure only a little smaller than his own, Maine left his bathroom and entered the room, absently scratching the scruff on his jaw.

The only things that had changed about Eva was her age and the simple platinum band on her left hand. Someone had managed to get Eva of all people to settle down. She’d mentioned a Pat in passing, showed Maine a photo of her husband, a scrawny little man with wire frame glasses and intelligent blue eyes. Eva told him Pat worked in internals. She didn’t talk about him much, but Maine knew she was devoted to him.

Marcus hadn’t changed much either, still touchy, still comforting to have around, still had that obnoxious stickity uppity black hair, still made people swoon every time he walked into a room. He was still Maine’s big brother though. He didn’t mention having anyone. That didn’t surprise him, Marcus never struck Maine as guy that needed or wanted romance. He seemed to thrive very well on the platonic relationships in his life.

 _“Yeah.”_ He said simply. Eva smirked, dipping into her pocket and producing a little sandwich bag.

“Hey, I brought these for you.” Eva told him. Inside the little baggie were some cookies, store bought but Maine honestly didn’t give a damn. His sweet tooth had been bugging him for days now.

She tossed the bag to him, Maine managed to catch them one handed and gave her a glare. She snorted and laughed at him. He couldn’t wait to get this sling off. He still didn’t know why it was taking so long for that one to heal, considering it had been stationary versus his apparently nearly shattered ribcage. They hadn’t healed completely, Thorne asked him to remain as still as possible but Maine sure as hell wasn’t going to do that.

Sitting there, doing nothing but watching tv… it gave him too much time to think. It gave him time to think about the things the Meta had done… it gave him the chance to sink into his guilt and hate himself. He wasn’t much of a psychiatrist but from what little he’d learned from Elizabeth on Lucaine and Thorne here at the hospital it wasn’t a good thing.

Thorne hadn’t come around since the other day… when he finally remembered. She would send someone to check on him, have Marcus or Eva give her a status report, but other than that she kept her distance. Rick had told him that’s how she dealt with patients that she had accidently caused to hurt. She’d wait until Maine himself approached her.

 _“I want to go outside.”_ He told Eva, placing the cookies in his bedside table. He’d been cooped up far too long, he needed some air and some sun.

“There’s a weird courtyard thing. It’s got some flowers planted in flower beds, you might like it.” Eva said, jerking her thumb towards the hallway. He knit his brows. A courtyard? On the third floor?

“Yeah… it’s weird. Psyche ward isn’t as big as the rest of the hospital so when they were building it they left a giant space smack in the middle. C’mon I’ll show you.” She said, walking out of the room without so much as a whisper of a reply from Maine. He smiled softly, he missed this. Missed the camaraderie that came with being with other SPARTANs. He hadn’t realized he missed Eva and Marcus so bad.

Outside it was bright, the mid afternoon sunlight bounced back off of the bleached white concrete of the roof. Maine looked around, squinting, his eyes sweeping over the sad little plants. Some looked like they were doing well, there were a few struggling dahlias, he looked at the flower and then at its likeness tattooed on his forearm. They were Elizabeth’s favorite flower. He used to absently rub his thumb across the many, many inked in petals on his arm if Maine was stressed out. She’d had a calming, soothing presence. When she spoke, it was usually clear and calm, and her voice was pleasantly low.

“Whatcha think?” Eva asked. Maine looked up at her, slight grin on his face. Wisteria spread across the courtyard, stubbornly climbing the walls from the ground up, he liked wisteria, as a matter of fact they were his favorite. Maine liked to cup the grape cluster-like flowers in a hand and feel just how delicate they were. He had the flower tattooed over his shoulders.

 _“I think these dahlias need to be in a sandier soil.”_  He said nudging his foot in their direction. Eva snorted, and leaned against his good shoulder.

“You still have all that plant know-how?” Eva asked. Maine nodded. Maybe he felt a little guilty for it, he remembered how to take care of plants but he hardly remembered her and Marcus. Plants had been a part of his life from before even the SPARTAN program.

They looked around some more, Maine distastefully discovered that the little tree in the middle of the garden was a willow. He gazed at it with a prominent frown on his face. Poor thing. He carefully wrapped a hand around it, swiping his thumb across the smooth bark. Even one handed a good jerk from him would probably uproot the little tree.

There was a little bird fountain, annoyingly empty. Why did they bother to have these things if the hospital just neglected it? Maine waved his good hand, gesturing for Eva to follow him. He pushed the door leading back inside open, the cool crisp air running over his skin and causing goosebumps, he continued on despite it. Maine entered the dining hall, a big empty room lined with long tables and benches, not unlike the one on the Mother of Invention with the exception of a linoleum floor instead of the metal floor of a spaceship.

“What are we doing Matthias?” Eva asked. Maine looked at her.

 _“Bird bath is empty, gonna get water to fill it up.”_ He told her. She grinned at him, laughing.

“Someone’s gotta take care of the garden, might as well be you, right?” Eva asked. Maine paused for a moment. He kind of liked that idea. Working with his hands to make things thrive… his mother had been a botanist, she would’ve liked that.

Maine felt the dark, curious eyes of Doctor Thorne on his back. He gave a quick look over his shoulder, seeing the doctor in the doorway leading out of the cafeteria. Maine nodded at her but went on about his business, pushing into the food prep area, startling a few of the workers.

 _“Can I have a pitcher of water?”_ He asked the nearest employee, a mousy little thing literally half his height who stood frightfully in Maine’s shadow. She gazed up at him with big blue eyes and looked at Eva, who was a smidge less terrifying apparently. Her name tag read ‘Linette.’

“He’s asking for a pitcher of water. He’ll bring it back, just wants to fill the bird bath out in the courtyard.” Eva explained. Linette looked around, still looking a little frightened, less so now that she knew the giant scarred man’s request was as harmless as a thing of water. Linette grabbed the biggest jug they had and filled it with water, then lugged it onto the counter next to the sink.

“I think she should hold it though, you’ve got but the one arm at the moment and the water is heavy, the jug will break if you hold it just by the handle.” She said with a shaky lilting voice. Maine nodded and looked at Eva. She chuckled a little and stepped forth, grabbing the jug by the handle and supporting the bottom as well.

“Alright you big softie, let’s go fill up the bird bath. We’ll bring this right back.” Eva told Linette and the two SPARTANs left the kitchens. Thorne was still there, but she ducked out of the way. However she followed when Eva and Matthias exited the dining hall.

“So what are we doing?” Thorne asked quietly as they passed through the doorway. Maine looked at her, then explained things. She smiled softly.

“Alright then, carry on.” Thorne nodded and veered off as they entered the day room and began to speak with the other patients. He chuckled, the doctor was a strange woman.

Almost as soon as the water was in the basin and he and Eva moved away, a couple of birds visited. One was a pigeon with round amber eyes and a green collar around his neck, dark grey and white patches. He was a pretty bird. The other was a blue jay.

 _“Blue jays are dicks, never trust a blue jay.”_ He smirked, remembering El’s little quip about the birds she grew up seeing on Earth. Elizabeth Thatcher was a soldier he had taken care of on a troubled base in the war. She’d drifted through his mind a couple of times since Eva mentioned her to him. That day felt like ages ago, seeing Eva so upset made his stomach knot up. To spare her dignity, Maine was kind enough not to bring it up.

“I’ll take this back, you sit out here for a moment.” Eva said. Maine nodded and took a seat on the concrete bench next to the little willow tree, watching the bird bath. A couple of song birds had arrived and were now filling the still air with little splashes and twittering music. Maine smiled softly, watching them. This felt nice. He heard the flap of wings and a few coos to his immediate right, Maine looked and saw the pigeon from before. It looked at him for a moment, tilting its head, but settled down on the back of the bench and started to preen.

On Lucaine, where he met Wash and Elizabeth, there was this fearless breed of bird. That planet’s version of the pigeon perhaps. But El had managed to get one to hang around the base, actually managed to catch it.

 _“Hey look, Matthias, I’m a mom now!”_ She had announced proudly, he hadn’t been sure what the wild little eighteen year old soldier was talking about until he turned around and had a bird shoved in the face of his visor. It had cooed at him, tilting its head and then curiously pecked at the tempered glass of his Oceanic helmet. She had cackled, strange blue-brown eyes shining, and then released the bird. It shook itself and started to walk around, utterly unperturbed by the soldiers’ presence.

 _"His name’s Frank.”_ She said as though utterly obvious. Maine had shook his head but smiled. Giving her a simple ‘okay El.’ and carried on with his rounds.

So he started calling his pigeon friend Frank the Second.

Moriene watched from the window as Matthias sat contently in the garden. Her predecessor, Edgar Just had the garden planted, she was working directly under him when the construction workers started installing the concrete flower beds and garden accessories. It had, however, gone nearly untouched, the roof had a good draining system, rerouting rainwater into the flower beds and keeping them watered, a couple of the kitchen workers mixed egg shells into the soil every now and then, but it wasn’t much.

Matthias, however, seemed to have taken an interest. She wondered if that would be a good therapeutic regimen for him. He’d proven stable, since he started responding to her and the outside world, she even figured if he ever had a place to go, Matthias would do fine as an outpatient. But he would need a good, secure support system, somewhere off base. Eva and Marcus both lived on base, Eva lived in housing with her husband and Marcus lived in the barracks. If Matthias was ever going to get back into working condition, he would have to get about as far away from the UNSC as possible.

He had acknowledged her, explaining kindly what they were doing, that was a good sign, before, if he had to address her it was short and curt, not aggressive, but he clearly did not want her around him. When he spoke to her just now he seemed… happy. There was a little glint in his eyes and a small smile on his face. Matthias needed to be doing something. He would heal through activity, his mind at least. The garden did need a caretaker.

She stepped outside, walking across the concrete roof. The military sure did love its concrete. She carefully approached, smiling upon seeing Matthias’s feathered company.

“Making friends?” She asked softly, Matthias looked at her, the pigeon paid her no mind. Matthias gave an awkward shrug.

 _“S’pose so.”_ He told her. Moriene nodded.

“How would you like to take care of the garden, Matthias? It’s not terribly hard. Just keep the weeds out, make sure the plants are healthy.” She told him. He chuckled a little, his laugh sounding strange and growly, to the untrained ear one might think he was threatening them, like Linette had. Poor thing’s first week and the scariest looking patient they had just burst into the kitchen and growled menacingly at her.

 _“I know how to take care of a garden Doctor Thorne.”_ Matthias told her. She felt a faint blush crawl across her cheeks. Alright then.

“When did you garden, Matthias?” She asked.

 _“Used to watch my mom.”_ He said simply. Moriene nodded.

“Good, good. So you’ll start when you get out of the sling then?” She asked. Matthias nodded slowly, watching the pigeon edge closer to him. He turned out his palm, the bird stared at it for a moment before pecking his palm harmlessly. He smiled. This was good. Moriene was almost ecstatic. Matthias was actually content at the moment. He didn’t seem plagued or upset even in the slightest, actually at peace. Moriene gently patted his shoulder.

“I’ll be going now.” She said and disappeared back into the building.

Moriene was looking over patient files, the military file for Elizabeth Thatcher sat not quite forgotten under two or three other files. She looked to be genetically spliced, a strange two-toned skin color and unusual dual colored eyes gazing at the camera, blue and brown. She was of mixed ethnicity. While genetically splicing embryos was not unusual, the fact that her parents hadn’t opted for a clean splice was strange.

Elias was more than happy to track this missing ex-soldier down for Matthias, but Moriene wasn’t sure about it herself. Elizabeth’s file was not exactly a happy story. She had severe trauma from not only the war, but also she had been engaged to David Summers, the other survivor from Lucaine, who promptly died on his next deployment. As if that wasn’t bad enough his remains were lost; so there was no body to bury. No closure. The fact that Elizabeth had disappeared into the wind was not a… reassuring one. No one had seen her for longer than a week or two so there was no telling how her mental state was. Truthfully, Elizabeth Thatcher could do more bad than good. Moriene still hadn’t brought up the idea of Thatcher coming to see Matthias because of this. But she had to at least tell him there was a chance to know if he even wanted to see her.

So she stood, closing the file in front of her and tucking them away in a desk drawer. Maybe he was still outside. It wouldn’t be much of a problem to find him if he wasn’t. Moriene couldn’t be happier that Matthias had found an outlet.

She found Matthias still in the garden, Marcus was with him now since Eva had gone home for the day. The air was thick with humidity, but neither of the SPARTANs seemed to mind it. Moriene however felt a slight disgust overcome her. How she hated the humid nature of this region. She approached, gently touching Marcus on the shoulder. Matthias shifted his gaze from his brother to her. There was a cool ease in his steely eyes.

“Marcus may I have a moment with Matthias, please?” She asked. Marcus looked at her for a moment, studying her with a protective gaze. At least he wasn’t outright hostile like Eva was at times. Marcus nodded and turned disappearing towards the bird fountain.

“How are you today?” She asked, not having gauged his mood already. She usually asked about once a day, depending on how he seemed. If Moriene believed he was troubled she’d ask Marcus or Eva about him.

 _“I’m alright I guess. When do you think I can get this splint off?”_ Matthias asked her. She smiled, sticking her hands in her pockets.

“We’d have to get some x-rays, it’s been stationary so you might be ready to get it off. I’m still worried about your rib cage.” She told him with a hint of sternness in her voice. To her utter surprise Matthias gave her a smug look and a little chuckle.

 _“I’ll be fine. It doesn’t bother me that much. I’ve had worse and they still made me do missions in Freelancer.”_ Matthias told her. She shook her head.

“This isn’t Freelancer, Matthias. Our main goal here is to get you better.” Moriene told her rather stubborn patient.

“Anyways. I’ve come to ask you if you remember Elizabeth Thatcher.” Matthias’s face lit up just a little.

 _"Yeah I remember Thatcher, real quirky kid. I liked her a lot.”_ He answered. Well that was good news, who doesn’t want to see someone they were fond of in the past? Moriene smiled, she’d say it almost felt conspiringly.

“Would you like to see her again?” She asked simply, deciding it was best not to beat around the bush. His eyes widened and he looked around, as though expecting the ex-soldier to be there in the garden. His throat bobbed as he swallowed hard. Moriene lowered her chin, curious. Was he alright? There was a pleasing lack of panic in his eyes, which were what usually betrayed how Matthias felt.

 _“Does she know about… what’s happened to me?”_ Matthias asked. Moriene shook her head.

“We don’t actually know where she’s at right at the moment, but Elias is looking for her. He’ll find her, he’s a man that gets results. I just wanted to make sure you were okay with seeing her before we actually found her and brought Miss Thatcher here.” Moriene told him, he awkwardly cleared his throat, a loud, curt gravelly noise that sounded painful, although the lack of a reaction on his face said maybe it didn’t hurt.

 _“I’m not sure I want her to know what I became.”_ He continued. Moriene’s brow set heavily over her eyes.

“Why don’t you think about it? Maybe Elias won’t find her for a little while, okay, Matthias?” She said with a supportive little pat to his good arm. He gave her a soft smile and a nod.

_“Yeah, I’ll think about it.”_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into the life of Elizabeth Thatcher.

For as long as Felicity could remember, her mother had a beautiful sadness to her. Their life was wonderful, though. The two lived in an RV, usually parked on a beach, the sound of the waves rushing over the shore had always been a part of her memory. When she was young, Felicity always thought it was cool that her and her mother could just pack up and move whenever they wanted; Elizabeth Thatcher was a nomad, and by default, so was her daughter.

She wore sun dresses and flower crowns. She told Felicity fairytales of a kind hearted soldier, a half-giant with soft eyes, and a healer who liked to paint. The three of them were in love. She would weave endless stories that told the trio’s adventures, to entertain her child for hours on the long stretches of road from one beach to another.

As Felicity got older she began to notice a few similarities in the few facts her mother had given her from her time in the UNSC and the healer in the story. Felicity soon figured that David Summers was the soldier, the SPARTAN from Lucaine, was the half-giant and her mother was the healer.

Felicity also learned that the stories were as much a retreat into her mother’s own mind as they were tales to entertain her child. In real life, David and the SPARTAN, Matthias, were both dead. Felicity could remember the tears in Elizabeth’s eyes as she told her this, curled around her child, as though Felicity too, would slip away.

Her fingers lovingly caressed the image of the young blond man and she gave a thick swallow, arm tightening just slightly around Felicity’s middle.

“He’s… gone, Filly. They both are. I’m the only one left from Lucaine.” She said, slipping the flower crown from her head. The heaviness of reality must have set in, and she could not pretend for a short while.

“If there is one thing I can teach you, I want it to be this: If you love someone, tell them, for you will lose them. Do you understand me, Felicity?” She asked Felicity, tucking her face into the child’s hair.

Felicity was blissfully unaware of the fact that she had a father until she was six years old. While  watching a reproduction video for school, the fact that there had to be a mother and a father for most life forms to exist came up. Felicity looked out the window, watching her mother stare over the far stretched ocean horizon, standing knee deep in the water. She had a mother, so Felicity had to have a father, yes?

She finished her lesson and slid out of the seat, opened the door and blinked as the ocean breeze hit her face.  She leapt down, sending sand flying everywhere.

“Mama?” Felicity called to her over the ocean. She turned, blinking her eyes, her elegant fingers tucking back the flying wisps of her hair.

“Yes my love?” She called back, trudging through the water, the tail of her dress wet, clinging to her legs.

Felicity waited for her on the shore. She approached; all sad smiles and glistening eyes. Even in her younger years, before Felicity knew the meaning of the word, she found something in her mother to be stoic.

“Do I have a father?” She asked, a question that had seemed innocent to the girl appeared to pierce Elizabeth deeply, as the poignant expression on her mother’s face shattered. A pain that which Felicity had not seen on her face darkened her features.

“Yes, honey, you do.” She said, sitting down in front of Felicity on her knees.

“Is it David? Is that why he’s not here?” Felicity asked, more pain came to her mother’s face and Felicity knew she had said something she shouldn’t have as tears welled in Elizabeth’s eyes. It had been a possibility, seeing as how happy talking about him made her mother. She wore a chain around her neck, and on the chain, an engagement ring. Her mother told her as an infant Felicity would grab the ring and hold onto it for dear life. On the ring there was an engravement:

_Through thick and thin, we will persevere._

“No, Filly, he’s not. Come inside. I can show him to you.” Elizabeth told Felicity and stood, offering her hand to her child. She carefully brushed the sand from her dress and legs, then they entered the RV. She sat Felicity down at the dinner table and reached above the table in a cupboard. She rifled through it, sneezing as dust flew into the air.

With a sniffle, she pulled out a black book. It was leather bound with golden text:

_Ben_

Elizabeth had another book, a white one, filled with memorabilia of a big man with cool blue eyes and a man with freckles and piercing grey-blue eyes, it stayed by her bed. The front had the names ‘Matthias’ and David.

Elizabeth sat down next to her daughter, flipping it open, revealing a photo of a man about a decade older than Elizabeth in the photo, he had streaks of silver in his wild black hair and faint crinkles at the corners of his stellar hazel eyes that were familiar. Every time Felicity looked into the mirror, she saw those eyes gazing back.

“That’s him, that’s your father. His name is Benjamin Oust” Elizabeth said, something unknown to her daughter in her voice.

“Is- Is he dead too?” Felicity asked, afraid that her mother had lost not one, but two men she had been with. Her mother shook her head, her lips pursed as though she had eaten something incredibly sour.

“As far as I know, no. But I haven’t seen him since before you were born.” She said. Felicity knit her brows, since before she was born-but that would mean-

“He wasn’t there when I was born?” She asked, looking up at her mother. An ugly expression of anger and hurt was on her face, her throat bobbed as Elizabeth swallowed, thick brows set heavily over her eyes.

“No, love, he wasn’t. He chose not to be there when you were born. I asked, I begged him not to leave, I was young and scared. I was having my first child and I didn’t know what to do on my own. But he had to take that job… like he just _had_ to get away from us…” She said, her eyes, despite the anger on her face, gazed sadly at the photo.

“Why not?” Felicity asked, another seemingly innocent question. She shrugged, her lower lip trembling.

“I don’t know. But after you were born, when I first held you, and looked into your eyes, I asked myself, ‘If he’s willing to miss out on you being born, what else would he be okay missing?’ I didn’t want you to wonder why he were always gone, why he didn’t want to stay, or why you weren’t enough to get him to stay. I didn’t want you to be hurt like that. So after I checked out of the hospital, I bought this RV, and we haven’t looked back since. Not until now.” Elizabeth said, her quiet brand of resolve in her voice.

“Do you think he’s looking for us?” Felicity asked her. She heaved a great sigh, her eyes looking tired.

“I honestly don’t know. But I worked hard to make sure they would never find us.” She said.

That day Felicity realized, the nomadic life she enjoyed so much, was meant for running. Her mother was running from the man that left her, and from reality. Her mother spent her life, wrapped up in their private little world of ancient highways and quiet beaches, to hide. To hide from the fact that the men she loved were dead, one she never got to tell she loved him. The other she had nearly been able to spend the rest of her life with. She was hiding from the fact that she left the one she tried to find happiness with and failed. The ring that hung around her mother’s neck had a different weight to it now.

To her daughter, Elizabeth Thatcher was a deep being. She would look at Felicity and she would feel… important. Like the fact that her mother saw her actually meant something. That Felicity was meant to do more than just exist. She treated Felicity like she was worth the entire universe, there was nothing more important to Elizabeth than than her only child. Not David Summers, not Matthias, nothing. When she danced with her daughter, in the middle of the starry night around a warm, crackling fire, the world seemed to stand still, and it was just the mother, her little girl, the ocean, and that fire.

But deep beings meant deep pain.

On a rainy day, she stood in the front of the RV, staring, perhaps unseeing, out the windshield. Felicity stared at her from the ground, surrounded by her toys, thoughtfully rolling a crayon in between her hands. Elizabeth’s eyes were glassy and wide, mouth slightly ajar. Her throat constricting.

The stillness in the RV shattered when she twisted, tail of her sundress smacking her Felicity lightly in the face as her mother tore outside and onto the muddy sand. Face raised to the sky, she laughed, arms out, eyes shut. Felicity stared at her from the door, baffled, watching as the rain soaked her to the bone.

Felicity realized after a few moments that her mother wasn’t laughing. A hand went to her necklace, closing tightly around the ring and she sobbed, screamed more like as she fell to her knees. Her beautiful sadness completely overtaking her, consuming her in agony.

“It just doesn’t feel like they’re gone! Why won’t they just leave me! Don’t they see what they’re doing to me?” She choked out, fingers dipping deep into the sand.

“Mama!” Felicity called, unsure of what to do. She had never seen this before. Her mother had never seemed so much in pain.

Her mother did not answer. Felicity was not there to her. She stared painfully at the sand below her, trembling on her hand and knees in the sand.

The young girl stood frozen in the doorway as she looked up, finally coming back from whatever painful place she was stuck. Instead of her usual sad glint, a manic light played in her eyes as she turned to look at her.

“Let’s go somewhere, somewhere nice, away from the beach. I’ve never taken you to the mountains before have I? On the other side of the country? They’re these old mountains, do you remember the white beaches down on the Gulf?” She asked, standing up, the rain washing the sand from her hands and legs. Dumbfounded, her daughter nodded.

“Well, a very, very long time ago, millions of years ago, those mountains used to be much, much bigger, but over the passage of time, they were worn down by wind and rain, and the tiny little fragments from those mountains are the reason why the sand of the Gulf is white, isn’t that cool, Felicity?” She asked sounding ragged and broken, almost alien to her little girl. Again, Felicity nodded. Elizabeth walked towards her, kneeling and taking a hold of her child’s hands in hers.

“Wouldn’t it be nice to go to the mountains, Felicity?” She asked, the manic pain in her eyes searching, screaming for relief. Now close, Felicity could tell what water on her mother’s face were tears and what was rain. She was crying, painfully racking with sobs she fought to swallow with her entire being.

“Would going to the mountains make you feel better, Mama?” Felicity asked innocently and Elizabeth smiled, endeared my her child’s naïveté.

“As much as I would like it to, no sweetie. This pain will probably be with me till the end of my days. Until I can see them again. I will always hurt. But I love you, I love you so much. You are the only thing I need, Filly. Just you and me. We’re all we need.” She crushed Felicity’s body to hers and her child felt her tremors. Felicity hugged her back, hoping one day the pain would stop, that Elizabeth was wrong.

When Felicity turned eight, something wonderful happened, and her mother blossomed, like a flower bud in the drought ending rain storm.

Today was her birthday. Felicity had seen a kite in the hobby store in town and asked her mother to buy it for her a few days before. At the time Elizabeth had frowned and said no, store bought kites usually broke very easily. Her child  was used to being told no, so it wasn’t much of a problem. But a day later Elizabeth asked the campsite manager to keep an eye on Felicity for a few hours while she went to town to get Felicity’s birthday present.

She returned with an armful of art supplies and two milkshakes from the ice cream parlor in town. Being young, Felicity was a little bothered that her mother hadn’t gotten something she asked for on her wish list but she did not complain. After they finished the milkshakes on the beach, Elizabeth locked herself in her room and ordered Felicity not to go in there until after her birthday.

Elizabeth woke Felicity up with her favorite breakfast sitting on the table, french toast with fresh cut strawberries and bananas. She watched her child eat with a happy, pleased twinkle in her eyes, however still accompanied with that sad glint. In what few years Felicity had lived, it almost never went away. However, Felicity did not know this day would be the last that sad glint would be there.

After she finished her breakfast, Elizabeth smiled at her daughter, a rare trickster grin she wore on Christmas or Felicity’s birthdays.

“Would you like your present, Filly?” She asked. Her daughter grinned eagerly, wiping her fingers of sticky strawberry juice and nodded.

“Yes, please!” A small laugh in the back of her throat and she stood, going into her room, the muted pink sundress she wore that day swaying with her movement.

“I couldn’t wrap it because it was too big, so I hope it’s okay.” Elizabeth called from her room.

“It’s fine, Mama.” Felicity told her, the cogs in her head turning, she hadn’t asked for anything terribly big for her birthday, so what was it?

“Close your eyes.” Felicity did as she was told, closing my eyes and covering them with my hands, grinning eagerly.

“Okay, they’re closed.” Felicity called energetically.

“I’m so excited for you to see this, I worked very hard on it.” She said, her voice growing closer as she entered the kitchen/dining room.

“What is it!” Felicity asked excitedly.

“Okay, open them up!” Elizabeth told her happily. Felicity flew her eyes open and looked, gasping in delight.

“It’s a box kite!” Elizabeth said, carefully holding it, she had put it together herself, using a sturdy yet light wood with durable paper sails, beautiful watercolors, like the ones on her mother’s arms, colored the paper.

“With store bought kites if it breaks you have to buy a brand new one, but with this one, all I have to do it get some of the spare parts I got from building it to repair it. This should fly beautifully, what do you think?” She asked, offering her child the kite.

“Mama! It’s beautiful!” Felicity exclaimed, taking it gingerly in her arms and studying it closer.

“Can we go fly it now? Please!?” She asked, excitedly bouncing on her heels, causing the RV to rock gently. Elizabeth laughed, smiling beautifully.

“Of course, the sun is shining and there’s a nice breeze going, this is perfect kite weather.” She said, grabbing her hat from the hook and placing it carefully on her head. Elizabeth flung the door open and Felicity ran out, bounding down the stairs vivaciously, squealing gleefully. She heard her mother’s pleased little laugh as she followed outside. She left the door open. Felicity stared up at the bright blue sky, eager to get her kite among the clouds. However she had no clue how to start.

“Need help, baby?” Elizabeth asked as she approached. Felicity nodded, she hummed and carefully took the kite from her child. She was much taller than Felicity, even taller than some men they met, elegant really. She took the kite by it’s very bottom rung and held it up over her head. Then she stood on her tippy toes.

“Do you have a good hold on the string, love? Because it’s tugging, she wants to fly.” She asked looking down at Felicity through the corner of her eye. The child took a comedically strong grip on the spool in her hands and gave her mother a determined nod.

Elizabeth let it go, and it soared.

“Give the string some lacks, hun. Let her spirit fly.” Elizabeth told her as the kite tugged tight on the rope. She took a seat on the sand next to Felicity. The girl nodded and carefully unwound some string, watching the kite sail further.

Felicity sent her the occasional glance, her mother’s eyes sparkled, she was happy. Not even that continual glint of sadness was there. No longing on her face to be spoken of. Elizabeth was happy.

“Did- did you used to fly kites with David on Lucaine?” Felicity asked her trepidatiously. She only really looked happy when she was pretending to be with him in her memories. Her mother frowned thoughtfully.

“No, love, we couldn’t do that sort of thing, we didn’t want the enemy to see us. Why?” She asked.

“You’re only this happy when you’re thinking about him.” Felicity told her, watching the kite fly in awe.

“No, Felicity. I’m so sorry. Do you always think that? Do you think I’m unhappy?” She asked, leaning forward and tucking her legs underneath her. Felicity shook her head.

“I just think you’re sad, is all. Thinking about him makes you happy and sad. I think my English book said it was… ambivalent.” Felicity told her mother. Elizabeth was quiet, a perplexed look on her face, so Felicity listened to the ocean and the whipping of the wind through the air.

“I guess I am sad. I’ve been trying to be happy though. I can’t live in the past forever. He’s gone. They both are. There’s just this gnawing hope in the bottom of my soul that won’t go away. That maybe he’s out there.” Her daughter frowned. If they were engaged, shouldn’t she have gotten his remains?

“You didn’t bury him?” Felicity asked. Her mother let out a sigh.

“No, his ashes went to his family back on the colony he was born on. They had a right more than his fiance did.” She told her.

“Well why don’t we go out there? Don’t you talk to them, weren’t they almost your family too?” Elizabeth sighed at her daughter’s innocent question

“I wouldn’t feel right, going out there to see his family, you weren’t born very long after his death. It would… seem inappropriate to them.” Felicity didn’t understand why at the time; but as she got older, she became aware of the fact that she was born only two years after David’s reported death. Her had entered a relationship with my father not even a year after David died.

Around noon, Elizabeth brought the kite down for Felicity and then she started lunch, roast beef sandwiches with tomato slices. Then they ate outside on the beach; so that was how they saw the military men approaching.

Elizabeth furrowed her brow, pursing her lips and hummed.

“What do they want?” She mumbled to herself and stood, brushing the crumbs from her mouth and dusting off her dress. She met them on the other side of the firepit.

“Are you Elizabeth Thatcher?” One of the men asked, there were three of them, each one looking more serious than the last. All three had short, buzzed hair, a few had visible tattoos and scars.

“Yes, what does the UNSC want?” She asked as she crossed her arms over her chest, her dress whipping around in the wind. The man up front offered her a data pad. Felicity was scared, scared that they were drafting her, pulling her mother back into the military. What would happen to her? Would she go live with grandma? Or would the UNSC hunt down her father and make Felicity live with him?

Elizabeth took the tablet and looked at the name on the screen. Her eyes widened angrily.

“Matthias 2791? This is Matthias’s file, what I am supposed to do with this?” She asked, bitterly waving the tablet at the men. At the mention of the SPARTAN Elizabeth had been in love with, Felicity got up from her spot and wandered over. Standing on her toes she stared at the tablet screen.

“Read it.” The man up front said, an amused smile on his face. The patch on his uniform said Hardings and from the amount of stars on his collar, he was a four star general. Elizabeth made a face and angrily began to jab at the screen,, her eyes scanning the information.

“And who is this young lady? You remind me of my granddaughter.” General Hardings said, kneeling down on one knee to look at Felicity closer. She eyed him warily, hiding behind Elizabeth some. She didn’t trust strangers.  

“Are you here to draft Mama?”She asked him. General Hardings smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

“No, we need her help with something.”

“No. No, no, no, this is wrong. Matthias died eleven years ago, Hardings, what the fuck is this?” Elizabeth ordered abruptly, making her daughter jump. She looked up at her, pulling her arm down to see the file. Matthias’s face was much more scarred in the photo in the file than in the ones in Elizabeth’s album. Felicity scanned over a few lines of information underneath the photo.

 

_Agent Maine, AKA Matthias 2791._

_Status, Alive, mentally unstable._

_Intensive Therapy suggested._

 

“He was absorbed into Project Freelancer after a serious injury. He lived just fine but he would have been too damaged to continue as a SPARTAN. He would have been returned to the SPARTAN II program as a test specimen. Project Freelancer ruined him, Lieutenant. On a mission to steal Charon tech, he was shot in the throat- it’s all there. Just read.” Hardings said as he returned to his feet.

Elizabeth gave a growl but did as was suggested.

“Thi-this is- This is awful! How could he! Oh my god.” She commented. “After the AIs, that’s not his fault, General. I studied psychology, that’s a classic dissociative fugue state, you can’t punish him for this.” She defended, starting to go on a tangent.

What Felicity had read finally sunk in. Matthias was alive. One of the men her mother missed to badly was alive! She smiled happily up at her but her mother only seemed concerned, eyes wet and fearful.

“We don’t plan on it, Elizabeth. But our specialists… they suggested something a little… unorthodox to help him.” General Hardings told her. Elizabeth’s fingers gripped the data pad, tight enough to make her hands shake.

“What, what is it?” She demanded.

“They suggested to find someone from before his time in Freelancer. His family from before the SPARTAN II project are gone. But you’re still here. You, along with a few other SPARTANs that know Matthias, could help him.” Hardings told her. Elizabeth carefully gripped her throat, staring down at the file again.

Felicity wasn’t sure what her mother would say. However she was confused as to why she wasn’t leaping on the opportunity to see someone she missed so much. Elizabeth’s eyes were uncertain.

“I’m… I’m not who I was when I knew him…” She said, looking up at General Hardings.

“He’s not who he was when you knew him. You’ve both changed. But if you cared about each other even a little, you should be able to help one another.” Hardings said softly. This man wasn’t how Felicity had imagined generals. He was kind and gentle, generals were strong and hard-hearted, to help them make hard choice. Elizabeth looked from the data pad to Felicity, who was gazing at her mother with determination in her eyes.

Well, if her daughter was so sure…

“When can I see him?”

  



	5. Chapter 5

Moriene hadn’t told Matthias that Elizabeth Thatcher had been found. He was still rather broken despite his regained interest in life, he still had a long way to go. Being continuously plagued with nightmares and riddled with guilt over what the Meta did, Matthias wasn’t ready to meet with Thatcher. Even if she was. Especially since Hardings reported Elizabeth had a child. 

The garden was beginning to look up (even though he wasn’t supposed to be working it yet), Matthias had even gone as far as asked about relocating that little willow tree. Moriene liked to try to meet his requests when it came to working the garden, but moving an actual, albeit small, tree would be hard to manage. He stubbornly tended to the courtyard one-handed, the sling hardly hindering him. He could heave large bags of soil onto his good shoulder, much to Moriene’s horror, seeing that Matthias was still recovering from massive damage to his rib cage. Watering the garden didn’t really take two hands, but he had some difficulty relocating the plants the required finesse to uproot. 

Rick had actually approached Matthias. Upon not getting punched through the wall, he tried to make friends with him. Moriene was glad to see that Matthias seemed to be receiving of the nosey soldier. 

Moriene knocked on his door, ignoring the nibbling guilt from not telling him about Thatcher. This was the best course of action to protect everyone involved. Moriene had observed Matthias’s quiet revere for life. He liked flowers, and birds. Moriene couldn’t stand to imagine the horrible reaction he had if he managed to accidentally hurt Elizabeth or her daughter. When Matthias stopped losing himself to flashbacks and nightmares Moriene would let them see each other. 

The door swung open and Matthias stepped away from the doorway back into his room to allow her entry. Since he began working the garden, Matthias’s room had become much greener. He’d had Eva or Marcus dig up some of the sicker plants and transfer them into pots and now he was taking special care of them in his makeshift plant hospital. Moriene had watched him carefully clip diseased parts away from healthy ones, measuring water intake and lacing the soil in the pots with nutrient rich plant treats. It was pleasant to watch, really. Relaxing even, working with these plants was when he seemed the most serene. 

“How are your plants today, Matthias?” Moriene asked, studying a sad little one with long drooping leaves. 

_ “Same as they were yesterday. Takes time.”  _ He told her, meticulously snipping at a sprig of rose bush. He was also trying his hand at splicing. Moriene smiled to herself. 

“Do you remember your dreams from last night?” She asked him. Moriene had started to get Matthias to write down his dreams. She hoped they would help her pinpoint the exact things she needed to try to treat. So many things were wrong, and all of them so huge, it wasn’t as easy as it may have seemed. Moriene needed to find a way to alleviate his guilt. The Meta wasn’t his fault and simply telling him that over and over again was proving fruitless. 

He gave her a dismissive growl and nodded to the book on his bedside table. Moriene frowned thoughtfully and walked over to the table, picking up the book and flipping it open. His handwriting was plain, maybe a little messy on account of the sling, but legible. 

**_‘Dreamt about Wash, during Freelancer. Don’t know if it’s a memory or not.’_ **

“Well, Matthias, contrary to media, dreams aren’t a replaying of a person’s memories while they sleep.” Moriene said, looking at him over her shoulder. He gave her a quick glance over his own but otherwise didn’t respond. Moriene gave a small shrug and returned her attention to the passage.

**_‘He couldn’t understand me. Wash was always able to understand me. Or maybe he wasn’t listening.’_ **

Moriene really wasn’t sure to what to make of people trying to interpret dreams. She was a psychiatrist, not a witch doctor, but she did believe some aspects of dreams had underlying meaning. 

“Even after you lost your voice, Washington could understand you?” Moriene asked. Matthias merely nodded. He was a SPARTAN, not being listened to by those who could understand had the potential to cause distress. It was important that he was understood. 

_ “Where is he, anyways?”  _ Matthias asked, still not bothering to look at her. Her grip on the book in her hands tightened. Washington’s armor had been recovered, but he had been nowhere to be found. He was officially MIA. Could Matthias handle that kind of news? 

_ “Thorne?”  _ Matthias asked in her silence.  _ “He’s alive, right?”  _ He spoke, now sounding worried. Moriene gave a thick swallow. She wasn’t afraid of him, but she was terrified of how he might react. 

“He’s MIA, Matthias. We couldn’t find him.” Marcus! Oh thank the stars Marcus was here! Moriene quietly let loose the breath she had been holding. This was still potentially very, very bad. Relapse into unresponsive bad. All his hard work would be for nothing. The fact that Matthias even tried to face the world after all the trauma was monumental. It couldn’t just go down the drain!

_ “What so he wasn’t there?”  _ Matthias asked, his voice was even and when Moriene dared to look she saw that he was more confused than angry or guilt ridden. 

“His armor was.” Marcus answered, not-so-slyly passing of a bundle of saran wrap to Matthias with a shameless wink aimed at Moriene.

“Can’t let Eva show me up with those store bought ones.” Marcus said with a cheeky grin. Matthias however, still looked dumbfounded. 

_ “So he’s not in jail?”  _ Matthias asked, after ‘subtly’ slipping Marcus’s present in his sling. They weren’t being sneaky. They thought they were, but they were SPARTANs and being sneaky wasn’t their strong suit. 

“Not to the UNSC’s knowledge.” Marcus spoke, rocking on his heels. Then Matthias did something Moriene thought she would never witness. He laughed; smiling radiantly for once and he laughed. It wasn’t bowling over or anything excessive, but more than just those amused chuckles and exhales. 

_ “Good, he hated prison. Maybe he’s been trying to find El.” _ He replied, still smiling. Moriene stared in utter shock. That was absolutely the complete opposite of what she had expected. 

“Maybe he is.” Marcus said encouragingly. Statistically, it was unlikely. Even if he was travelling under the radar, he would’ve gone through the proper channels that looking for Thatcher would’ve taken him through already. By now Washington should have gotten to her mother, and Thatcher’s mother hadn’t said anything to Hardings about a man looking for Elizabeth. But Moriene wasn’t going to tell Matthias that; not when he practically illuminated at the thought of it. 

“Matthias, I think it’s about time for a new x-ray to check your arm.” Moriene told him after reading a few more entries. She had picked up on a pattern of feeling useless. As a SPARTAN, having to ask for help for trivial things because of a damaged arm would be increasingly frustrating. Especially since his poor condition was slowing the healing process significantly. 

Matthias looked up from his plant with an eager little gleam in his eyes and then started to follow Moriene towards the x-ray room. The change in his disposition did not go unnoticed. It was like night and day. He was just so happy to know the man he loved wasn’t officially dead. There was something reassuring about that. The last thing this man was going to do was relapse. 

Maybe bringing Elizabeth into the equation would prove beneficial. It wasn’t like Matthias was going to left alone with them long enough for something bad to happen. The more support he had the better. Moriene knew that was Elias’s plan from the start but she was still hesitant. It was her job to heal broken people and make sure those broken people didn’t cause more damage in turn. 

Moriene assisted Matthias out of his sling, he seemed grateful for it. He carefully stretched his arm out straight before Moriene even had the chance to stop him. But there were no signs of distress which was wonderful. She grabbed a lead smock and handed it to him, carefully tightening latches and straps when it was in place. 

“Just to be sure.” She told him as she left the room and went into the little x-ray booth, adjusting the machine to accommodate Matthias’s sheer size. 

“Okay, hold your breath, one, two, three-”  _ Click.  _

“Alright you’re good now.” She told him as the image began to appear on a screen to Moriene’s left. She printed it out and then placed the image on the light board. 

Oh marvelous! His arm was completely healed! Wonderful! 

“I think you’ll be happy about this Matthias.” She said, grinning as she went back into the main room where he was. 

“Your arm’s all better!” Moriene told him, receiving a happy rumble from him as she loosed the smock, letting him shuck it off himself. 

“Will you let me get an x-ray of your torso, Matthias? I’m still worried about all that spider webbing. Especially with you hauling around fifty pound bags of soil.” Moriene told him, feeling the most motherly she’d ever felt with a patient. Matthias grumbled at her and crankily averted his gaze from hers, avoiding eye contact. Then he looked back at her for a moment, Moriene raised an eyebrow expectedly at him and he groaned, rolling his eyes and laying on the table. She had to bite her cheek to keep from laughing. So expressive for someone who couldn’t really speak. 

Moriene realized she was getting awfully involved when it came to Matthias. Moriene chose to blame Elias. She never got this close to patients. In her mind, she was a repair woman. Patients were broken items. It was her job to fix them, but she didn’t get upset when they couldn’t be fixed, and she didn’t get emotional when the items went back to where they came from. She was analytical, not cold but she never… cared this much. She was eagerly awaiting the day she got to sign his discharge papers because Matthias had finally healed.

His rib cage still had some minor fractures, to her complete surprise, the way he constantly moved; Matthias shouldn’t be this close to being better but he was a SPARTAN after all. 

“Okay, Matthias, I’m sure you’re aware of this; but you’ve still got a few fractures left. Just take it easy. No throwing around giant things of soil. Keep your lifting light. And not SPARTAN light. Normal light. Twenty pounds, max. Do you understand?” She demanded as Matthias sat up. He frowned at her, Moriene crossed her arms over her chest. 

“Ask for help if you need it. I’m shocked there haven’t been complications with your refusal to stay still until you’ve healed!” She fussed at him while Matthias stood. He smirked at her! An honest to goodness smirk! 

_ “Okay, Thorne.”  _ He told her,  _ “We done?”  _ She uncrossed her arms and let them fall to her side in near defeat. 

“Yes, for now.” She told him. Matthias gave her a gentle smile and left ahead of her. As she watched him walk away, Moriene hoped this sudden change in Matthias stayed. 

Maine winced as he spread out the mulch. Thorne was right, working the garden did hurt a little. But he wasn’t going to tell her that. Not unless it got a lot worse. Marcus was helping him with the bags like she asked him to. Even though he still couldn’t work completely by himself it was nice to be able to work with tools. The feeling of a rake in his hands was an old one. A ghost from a lifetime long passed. Working with the dirt and plants again made him feel close to his mother again. She always thought this kind of work had rejuvenating properties. 

“Holy shit, Matthias! You’ve got both your arms back!” Eva’s excited voice called out and he smiled to himself, standing up straight and looking at her as she approached. She had an exuberant grin on her face. 

“Lookit you! Raking that mulch!” She announced, Marcus must’ve found something about that to be absurdly funny because he sputtered and accidentally dropped the bag he was hauling and keeled over laughing. Eva and Maine stared at him in shock as he laid on his back on the ground. A smile tugged at Maine’s lips and Eva was laughing uncertainty. 

“Did we break him?” She asked, words unsteady with laughter. 

_ “If anyone broke him it was you.”  _ Maine said, poking at a small mound of mulch with the rake. He exhaled slowly as a small jolt of pain went through him. Maine ignored it and started to spread the pile out.

“Alright you giant weirdo, it wasn’t that funny.” Eva barked and left Maine’s side to go heave Marcus off the ground. 

“People are watching.” She said, brushing the dirt off of Marcus’s back. Maine laughed a little, sending a look to the day room. There were large glass windows, taking up half the wall. The thought that maybe those weren’t the best choice for a mental ward passed through Maine’s head. Then he tuned into Eva and Marcus’s conversation as he worked. 

“How’s Patrick?” Marcus asked. Eva huffed. 

“He said something about kids the other day and things have been weird since…” Eva said, Maine looked up, watching them for a moment. Eva’s shoulders slouched and Marcus was taking a drink from his water. The sun had been beating down pretty hard, it was setting now though, bathing everything in a pretty red glow.

“Why? What did you say?” Marcus asked as he twisted the cap back in place. Eva clicked her tongue and half heartedly kicked at the dirt. 

“Look I don’t even know if I can have kids.” Eva said. Maine lowered his gaze. She _was_ getting downright domestic. Eva of all people. During the war she was wild. Running down covenants like they were nothing. Partying with the regular soldiers all night and getting up after thirty minutes of shut eye and nearly kicking Maine’s ass in warm ups. 

“Well you don’t have to biologically have children. Do you not want them? Didn’t you two discuss this before you got married?” Marcus asked. Eva groaned, throwing her head back.  

“Nooo! I was just awestruck that this great little nerd actually liked me so I did whatever he wanted to keep him with me.”

_ Reminds me of what I did for Wash…  _ Maine thought to himself. His and Wash’s needs typically fell into line with each other. There was the little problem of Wash wanting to go back to El after a few years and he wanted Maine to go with him. He liked the idea of getting to see El again. However he was terrified of a normal life. Despite that he had agreed, to keep Wash happy. 

It wasn’t that Maine hated domestics, he just wasn’t sure if he was cut out for it. He was bred for war, how was he supposed to adjust to living in the same, safe place, with no danger and no enemies? Cutting grass on the weekends, watching the neighbors in a quiet little event-less neighborhood? He would get anxious. He got anxious if he went too long without going on a mission in Freelancer. How was Maine supposed to deal with that being his life? His only hope had been that maybe having Wash and El would make things easier.

“Then tell him that, Eva. You’re not communicating.” Marcus said, stooping to pick up the dropped bag of soil. 

“What tell him that I didn’t think it through when I agreed to marry him? Marcus try to put yourself in the mindset of a nerd from internals. That’s going to sound bad to him. He’s an of the mind sort of guy and he overthinks everything.” Eva said. Maine moved down the way towards a pile of mulch that Marcus set up and started to flatten it out. 

“I can't really help you, Eva. I never entered a relationship because I am completely aware of that. You’re far more in touch with your empathy than I am.” Marcus said. Maine always found that to be interesting. Marcus was real touchy and kind, but something about him never really connected with people. He always made people feel off, they thought he was aloof. Eva was more impassioned. She was very in touch with her emotions and she could empathize a lot easier. It was why she was so protective. 

Maine had to work on being human, it wasn’t really something that came easy to him, but he knew it was something he wanted. It was so hard to do when slipping into the mindset of a living weapon was so simple. But meeting Wash and El on Lucaine made him want to do that less and be more human. He wanted to be human for them. It was one of the reasons why becoming the Meta was something he hated to much. Sigma ruined him, turned Maine into a monster, just so the AI could try to be human. It wasn’t fair, and it wasn’t Maine’s fault, but it still haunted him. 

“Matthias?” Thorne’s even voice brought him from his thoughts. 

“You weren’t internalizing were you?” She asked, eyes wide with concern. He chuckled a little. 

_ “Wouldn’t you know that better than me?”  _ Maine asked with a simple smile. Thorne continued to gaze at him worriedly. 

_ “M’fine.”  _ He told her, realizing she was waiting for a real answer. Thorne narrowed her eyes at him slightly but put her hands in her jacket pocket. 

“Hardings found Thatcher.” A bolt of white hot energy passed through Maine. He’d been giving seeing her again a lot of thought. He wanted to try to explain why he and David left her. Well David, they had been close on Lucaine, but not in the way him and Wash had been. Also, on the other hand he didn’t want her to know what Maine had become. 

_ “How is she?”  _ Maine asked, afraid to come right out asking if she wanted to see him. Thorne pursed her lips, a slight worry in her eyes. Was El okay? 

“She’s… fine. She’s been living a nomadic life with her daughter. That’s why it was so hard to find her. Miss Thatcher doesn’t like to stay in one place for too long.” Thorne told him, wait, a daughter? El was a mom now? Did Wash get her pregnant before he joined Freelancer? No… they would’ve known, or would they? 

_ “Nomadic? Why’s she moving around?”  _ Maine asked, avoiding the topic of the El’s kid. Thorne just shrugged. He heaved a sigh, ignoring the pain in his sides. Guess he wasn’t going to be able to avoid it after all. 

_ “What about he kid?”  _ He continued since he wasn’t going to get much else out of the doctor. 

“She gave this to Hardings, to give to you.” Thorne said, taking a photo out of her pocket and showing it to him. Maine smiled a little, El did always like old stuff. He looked at the photo. There was a little girl with black hair, sticking her tongue out at the camera and making a face. El was simply smiling forward. The light he used to admire so much wasn’t there anymore. Maine’s heart suddenly ached. Last time he saw her she was bright eyed and excited to see her moms again. The longer Maine looked at this photo the more dead inside El looked. 

“She suffered massive trauma in her life. I’m worried about her mental state but I would rather you two get in the same room before I make any calls.” Thorne told him, then he looked up at her. 

“She does miss you.” Maine frowned thoughtfully. 

_ “Does she know about the Meta?”  _ Maine asked, Thorne gave him a sympathetic look and nodded. 

“Hardings told her. She needed to know what she was getting into, since she has her daughter to think of.” She answered. If he was too dangerous for a child he might never see El. If that ended up being the case, he wouldn’t blame her. 

_ “What did she say?”  _ Maine asked, finally deciding to just rip off the band-aid.

“She wants to see you. Elias told her we’d have to wait for you to decide whether you wanted to see her or not.” Thorne answered, his grip on the rake handle tightened. She’d just been waiting for him? How long had he kept her waiting? How long ago did Hardings find her? Maine asked Thorne this. 

“Two weeks ago. I’ve been waiting to see how you would be before telling you.” Thorne spoke and Maine grit his teeth. Two weeks! She’d been left in the dark for two weeks! Filled with resolve, Maine made his decision.

_ “I want to see her. Bring her here.”  _


	6. Chapter 6

Her phone rang as she and Filly walked through the flea market. Hardings had demanded her phone number, so she would be easily accessed when Matthias finally gave word. The fact that it had taken nearly three weeks to hear from him was agonizing. Why had it taken so long? What if he didn’t want to see her? 

“Hello?” She asked, taking Filly’s hand in hers to keep her from wandering off.

“Miss Thatcher, Elias Hardings. I’ve got news about Matthias.” She smiled a little, following Filly to the booth she wanted to look at. 

“I figured as much. Is he okay?” She asked, a small chuckle from Hardings.

“Yes, of course. Doctor Thorne hadn’t told him we found you until yesterday. I suppose I see why. He’s plenty stable, but with Miss Felicity I understand her hesitation.” Of course he was going to beat around the bush. Why wouldn’t he? The doting old grandpa. Filly liked him plenty though. Elizabeth supposed it was because she wasn’t used to having a grandfather figure around. She had one, well maybe, Ben was a little older than her but his parents were alive the last time she checked.

With a streak of guilt, Elizabeth tried not to recall just how excited Ben’s mom had been upon learning she was going to be a grandmother.

“What did he say?” Elizabeth asked, turning her focus to the situation at hand. 

“Oh! Matthias does want to see you. Soon as a matter of fact. Moriene said he wasn’t terribly happy that she waited to tell him.” Hardings told her and Elizabeth smiled brilliantly, excitedly tugging on Filly’s hand. The girl looked up, a little annoyed at first but upon seeing the exuberance on her mother’s face joined in with her own smile. 

“How soon can we come see him? We’re in the area. I didn’t know how long this would take.” Elizabeth replied, gently pulling Filly to the side, out of people’s way. 

“We didn’t know that. You should’ve said something, Miss Thatcher.” Elias told her. Elizabeth frowned, petting through Filly’s hair, the ends of the ribbon she tied Filly’s braid with in between her fingers.

“Is that a bad thing?” She asked. There was a silence over the phone. 

“I don’t think so. I believe Moriene was hoping for more of a grace period. But Matthias should be ready to see you, since he said he was.” She smiled again.

“So if I got there in the next hour I would be able to see him?”

“You can see him any time during visiting hours, ten to nine.” Elias said simply.

“Great! Then we’ll start heading over there.” Elizabeth said, then told Hardings goodbye. She beamed down at Filly.

“We’re going to go see Matthias, Felicity.” She told her, Filly bounced energetically.

“That’s wonderful, Mama! Do you think he’s excited to see you?” She asked, hurrying alongside her mother. Elizabeth smiled gently. 

“I think so.” She said, unlocking the RV and pulling open the door.

“Up you get.” She said gently tugging Filly onto the first step and then let her bound her way up the rest of the stairs inside. 

 

* * *

 

“Matthias?” Thorne’s voice broke his concentration. Maine looked at her from the corner of his eye, trying to finish this pollination before he got pulled away. 

_“Yeah?”_ He told her. Thorne hesitated for a moment, Marcus in the corner lowered his brows at the doctor.  

“Elizabeth is here.”

The drop of a pin drop could’ve been heard. So soon? She was already here?

“She came to the area waiting for your answer. Hardings told her this morning.” Thorne told him. Holy shit, El was here! He put down his tool and went to his bed stand, opening the drawer Maine pulled out the photo. He winced as he saw El’s face. Did she look that broken in person? Did he look that broken? 

_“Is her kid here?”_ Maine asked, worried. Thorne nodded simply. He hadn’t been worried about it until he realized Thorne was.

“It’ll be alright, Matthias. You’ve always been very gentle when you need to be. Weren’t you just pollinating a flower?” Marcus said, standing up  from his chair and approached, laying his hands on Maine’s shoulders. Maine nodded.

“Doesn’t that take precision and delicacy?” He continued, another nod.

“Then you should be fine with the girl. Just don’t panic. Children respond to how adults act in situations.” Marcus said.

_“You mean they can sense fear?”_ Maine asked with a small grin. Marcus chuckled, shaking his head. Maine shouldn’t be worried. It may have been a long time ago, but he helped his parents with his sisters, and there had been eight of them. He can handle one kid.

“They’re in a private visitation room.” Thorne said, starting to lead the way down the hall, Marcus trailed behind. Maine’s heart pounded in his chest. What if she was angry? What if the only reason El came was to tell him to fuck off?

Maine gave himself a little shake. Damaged or not, El was still El. She’d never do something like that. If she didn’t want to see him, she would’ve said so. Thorne stopped at a door off to the left from the day room. She slid her badge and the red light turned green, accompanied by a buzz and a faint click. Thorne opened the door and stepped to the side. 

“Good luck.” She said with a tight smile. Maine’s eyes widened. They were in there? He leaned forward, seeing El and her little girl sitting with their backs facing the door. He also didn’t miss the two way mirror in the wall. Maine breathed deep, trying to calm his suddenly roaring nerves. 

He stepped in and the door shut behind him. Maine opened his mouth to speak but became hyper aware in that moment of the fact that he couldn’t actually talk. They were talking between themselves and hadn’t noticed anything, he nervously balled a fist. Fuck it. 

_“Hey El.”_ He spoke. Maine’s stomach dropped as she jumped but turned. There were a few moments’ silence but it felt like an eternity as she took him in gazing at Maine with heavy eyes.  

“He sounds like a cat, Mama.” The girl whispered, El gave a scowl, but he could tell she was trying not to laugh.

“Don’t be rude Filly.” She said, standing from the table and approached slowly, He gave an uncertain smile. 

_“It’s okay. I’ve been called worse.”_ Maine told her, not sure if El understood him. It was luck of the draw really. She nodded, El didn’t seem confused. Now she was close, he really had to look down. Maine could smell the faint scent of sea air as El stood in front of him.

“Can I touch?” She asked him. Maine nodded, fighting the urge to suck in a panicked breath. Why was he panicking? This was going wonderfully. El carefully reached out and wrapped her fingers around his wrist and pulled his hand close. Her strange dual colored eyes traced over scars on his hand and then moved upward.

“You’ve added to your collection, I see. Red dahlias, tiger lilies.” She said, gingerly touching the petals of the dahlias on his forearm. 

_“Yeah, you have too.”_ He told her, gazing at the water color ribbons going up her right arm, she was wearing a pink sundress so he could see the ribbons continue up her arm and tie into a bow on her shoulder.

“Those yellow jasmine are in a painful place.” She told him, referring to the jasmine around his neck. He had hated seeing the scarred skin on his throat so he had it done before Sigma got implanted.

_“Can you understand me?”_ He asked. El looked at him for a moment or two.  

“I think so, but doesn’t it hurt to talk?” She asked, his arm still in her hands. Somehow he forgot just how big he was until Thorne, or El in this case, tried to handle him.

_“I-I’m sorry.”_ He told her. El frowned, sighing. What was she going to say? He looked over her sun kissed skin, once ivory skin were now a caramel brown, almost matching her other brown patches.  

“Didn’t really answer my question, Matthias.” She told him with a slight smirk, he gave her a playful scowl. 

_“No, El, not anymore.”_ He told her. She shook her head, looking away from him, her thumb carefully tracing back and forth on his arm.

“I… It’s so hard to believe all those horrible things happened to you. That file was a nightmare…” She told him softly. Now they were getting into it then. 

“You were always a good person, you didn’t deserve any of that.” El mumbled, her eyes returned to the flowers on his arm. 

_“I mean I was kind of a dick in Freelancer.”_ He told her. A smile split across her face and she laughed. Oh holy shit. He missed that laugh. David talked about how much he had liked El’s laugh but Maine hadn’t really appreciated it until her face lit up. That and the kid was looking at her mother like she just grew a second head.  

“I mean even if you were the world’s biggest dick, that didn’t warrant what happened to you, Matthias.” She told him, caringly clasping his hand in between hers. 

“Now come meet Felicity. I’ve told her all about you.” She said, tugging him towards the table. Maine let her and he smiled awkwardly at the little girl, apparently named Felicity. She beamed at him, giving off the same chaotically kind vibe El had given off at Lucaine. He tried to pin her age, or find even a smidge of Wash in her face as he sat across from her. Maine found he couldn’t and came to the realization she wasn’t Wash’s kid. 

_“I’m Maine.”_ He told Felicity.

“Maine?” El asked, scrunching her eyebrows. He shrugged. 

_“My tag from Freelancer. Got used to it.”_ He told her and El simply nodded. He didn’t really care what people called him. Names were just names.

“I’m Felicity. Mama calls me Filly. Granna complains because that’s a word for a female horse.” Felicity replied. Maine grinned; this kid was a mini El. He shouldn’t have expected anything else since El raised her alone.

_“How old are you?”_ He asked.  

“I turned eight last month.” She told him with a proud smile. “Mama made me a kite for my birthday.” 

“Wait, so you understand him too?” El asked. Felicity nodded. 

“If I watch the way his mouth moves.”

She was eight, so she definitely wasn’t Wash’s kid. Maine wasn’t going to judge El for trying to move on but something felt off… 

“We’ll discuss that when she’s not here.” El told him, picking up on the way he gazed at Filly. Maine nodded, feeling a bit like he just got scolded by his mother. Being a parent definitely suited El. 

“Doctor Thorne told me you’ve been working the garden. I caught a glimpse of it. You’ve been taking good care of it.” El told him with a smile. Maine nodded.

_“Gives me something to do.”_

“Mama likes to paint. If we ever get a house she told me she’ll paint my room with really cool pictures.” Filly told him. Maine recalled the murals she had painted on what few walls had been left standing on Lucaine. They were extensive and finely detailed, fantastic scenes brought forth from a creative mind. 

“That’s a long way away though. I get some money from the military but not enough to get a house.” El told him.

“I might be able to rent a place, but I’d have to look around. For now, we’re just staying at a campsite.” El said, alluding to wanting to stay in the area. Maybe for him. He gave a soft smile. He was glad they weren’t getting into the knitty gritty just yet. It was nice to just be together again before they had to get into all the nonsense of explaining what the hell happened in their lives to each other. She wasn’t as broken as he worried she was. Oh! The photo! He handed it back to El across the table. She smiled simply and gazed at it. 

“Thank you, Matthias. I wanted you to be able to put a face to my kid so she wasn’t just this formless new element to an already complicated situation.” El told him, lovingly stroking her daughter’s glossy black hair. El smiled at him as he hummed, well purred to them.

They stayed for a few hours. Filly drew him a few pictures that he’d put up in his room. She had a lot of her mother’s talent. Maybe El was teaching her. The two stood up, Filly already bounding to the door but El stayed by him, smiling softly. He waited for a moment, gazing at her, trying to gauge how she felt. Then pulled her to her in a tight hug, smiling at her quiet little ‘oh!’

_“I missed you.”_ He told her quietly as she returned the embrace. El sort of nuzzled against his shoulder and hummed, then raised her head.

“I’m glad you’re here Matthias.” She told him softly, he could tell she wanted to say more, there was a different weight in her eyes as El gazed at him solemnly.

_“Me too and I’m glad you came.”_ Maine told her as they pulled apart. She smiled happily then turned to her child, her demeanor changing on the fly.

“Alright Filly, let’s go get some supper! Bet you’re starving, sweet one.” El said, clapping her hands gently as she approached Filly.

“Can we go to the restaurant down the way from the campsite, Mama? The one with the chicken statue out front? Bye Maine!” Filly called over her shoulder excitedly and El gave him a quick wave as they disappeared into the hallway.

That… was good. He was engaging and focused, answered the girl’s questions, he was absolutely happy to see Thatcher and visa versa. Moriene would have to observe more visits to be sure but Elizabeth seemed incredibly balanced. She probably had an episode every now and then, but with a proper support system in place she could be fine. People could heal together without becoming codependent. 

“I think Hardings made a good call here. I mean, I’m no professional, but nothing about that exchange felt like it could turn toxic.” Eva said, apparently having slipping in sometime during the visit. She seemed to be very impressed. Marcus gave an agreeing hum. He wasn’t fooling anyone, they all saw his fit last night. 

“I agree, Eva. But I want to wait before they’re granted unsupervised visits.” Moriene told her, looking at the SPARTANS.

“Elias is going to have a field day with this. Can’t wait to watch that old man light up like the Fourth of July.” Eva joked.

“So you’re pleased with Miss Thatcher?” Moriene asked during her next appointment with Matthias. He gave her a funny look as he trimmed the hedge. This too he had managed to bring back from the brink of death. 

_“Pleased really isn’t the right word.”_ He told her, picking at a branch. Moriene nodded.

“You’re glad she’s here.” She corrected. Matthias nodded, kneeling for a moment to yank a weed from the ground. 

“What of her child?” Moriene asked. His interactions with the girl had sparked some curiosity. He did incredibly well. It was almost like he knew what he was doing. 

_“Filly? She’s just like her mom used to be. I know how to deal with that.”_ Matthias said with a grin, tossing the weed into a nearby pile.  

_“Who planted hedges up here? They need deep ground, just like that tree, to take root.”_ He grumbled at her. Moriene chuckled.

“Edgar was more concerned with the look of things rather than the functionality.” Moriene told him, he shook his head. Matthias’s mood had improved vastly since removing the sling and upon meeting with Miss Thatcher. He seemed to be very pleased with himself at the moment.

_“Bet he wouldn’t like not being able to stretch out.”_ He griped, Moriene laughed softly.

“That’s not the beginning of a plot, is it Matthias?” She teased and he gave her a devious little grin.

_“‘Course not.”_ He replied, earning an outright laugh from Moriene.

“He was a well meaning man, Matthias. And it did help the patients’ mood. This place just fell into disrepair due to budget cuts.” Moriene told him and he gave a purr. 

_“Getting that free labor then, huh?”_ He replied, walking away towards the tool shed, seeing as he finished his trimming.

“Did Miss Thatcher tell you when she intends to see you again?” Moriene asked as she followed him. Matthias the door open and hung up the clippers.

_“No. But she’ll come back. I trust her.”_ He said simply. Matthias was a loyal person, prove yourself to him and you have a friend for life. Moriene was amazed at the utter lack of trust issues from Matthias. The AI that turned him into the Meta was meant to help him, if he was anyone else, he would never trust again. 

After putting away his tools, they sat down on the bench in the center of the courtyard. He gazed disdainfully at the tree. It shouldn’t be here. This tree should be perched somewhere, draping elegantly over a lake, drinking its water, growing big and thick, with a swing on a branch, for young ones to use to launch far into the lake’s waters.

 

* * *

 

The ambience in the restaurant made Elizabeth jittery. Brightly colored chickens decorated the walls and hillbilly music played over the sound system. 

“I can see why you missed him so badly.” Filly said as she munched on a chicken strip. Elizabeth looked around the room, feeling a little bit like she was underwater.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, darling.” She reminded Filly. All those scars, he had looked even worse in person, healthier than in the photo, but scar wise, he was riddled. Elizabeth had initially had a hard time identifying him as Matthias, until she saw the familiar warmth in his eyes. He’d nearly completely lost his deep, gravelly voice and did, indeed, sound like a cat as Filly had suggested. Elizabeth had a blunt little child.

“He seemed like he missed you.” Filly pointed out after washing her bite down with a drink from her soda. There had been a subtle… longing in his eyes. She’d always been able to read his eyes, but Matthias had rarely taken his helmet off around her on Lucaine. David, however, always understood him, even when Matthias said nothing at all.

“Yes, I suppose he did.”

She hadn’t intended on keeping Filly’s paternity a secret, but Matthias had figured it out. She was hoping to be able to tell him and explain at the same time. She’d try to go back in a few days. Look for daycares in the area she could leave Filly with for a charge per visit rather than a fee. Then try to take the bus to the base the hospital was on. There was a good bit she and Matthias still needed to talk about without having to watch what they say.

Why did they spend ten minutes talking about tattoos? Post visit Elizabeth thought that was just the stupidest thing. Was it because those were the only things they’d had absolute control of. Was it because there was so much that needed to be said, so much of it so deep and intense, that she settled for the most superficial thing she could think of? 

She found herself back at the hospital as she intended, glad she found that babysitting service. There had been a friendly old couple with a pair of weiner dogs Filly wanted to stay with. Even though they had seemed fine with it, Elizabeth didn’t want to bother the Meroux’s with babysitting duties on their vacation. 

_“So where’s Filly?”_ Matthias asked as they settled at the table. She smiled softly.  

“I set her in a daycare place. If we’re going to be staying here for awhile she needs to meet the local children.” Elizabeth told him. He gave a purr, but she assumed it would have been a hum. He was kind of nice to listen to. She figured if he was angry or upset Matthias would sound rather terrifying. But he spoke softly, resulting in gentle purrs and soft growls.

“So… are we going to talk about what happened?” Elizabeth asked with uncertainty, feeling her stomach flop. She knew the gist of what happened to Matthias from reading the file Hardings gave her. But there were some finer details Elizabeth wanted to know. She just wanted to know why he had to join Freelancer in the first place. She was also sure Matthias had questions. He set her with an intent gaze. 

_“What do you want to know?”_ He asked, resting his hands on the table, giving the surface a little pat before resting.

“Why did you join Freelancer, and why did they declare you dead?” The question popped out of her mouth before she even thought of it really. Matthias gave a sigh, growl more like.

_“Got pretty badly damaged after I left Lucaine. It was either Freelancer or be a lab rat. Thought I’d be more use in Freelancer. Declaring people dead was easier than transfers. More discreet. Left less evidence.”_ Matthias told her. Elizabeth frowned. She was still livid with the UNSC. They had no right to tell her and David that Matthias was dead.

_“Wanna tell me about Filly’s dad? You don’t have to.”_ He asked, a gentle light in his eyes, as though knowing he was treading on potentially dangerous territory. Elizabeth nibbled on her bottom lip.

“His name’s Ben. I haven’t seen him since before she was born. He was my CO when they reported David was dead. I didn’t know what to do. I was so grief stricken; I did the only thing that helped me feel even remotely better…” Elizabeth told him, trying to ignore the cracking of her own voice. David dying would be something that plagued her forever, it was an oozing infection that would never clear away. 

An unexplainable look of guilt swept across Matthias’s face. She watched him in confusion. 

“What’s wrong?” She asked wanting to reach across the table and lay her hand on his now closed fist.

_“David never died. He joined Freelancer.”_ Matthias told her.  

Was there a high pitched ringing sound? Elizabeth was hearing a high pitched ringing in her ears.

“What?” She asked hoarsely. Matthias swallowed hard, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked away from her. David never died. He never died. He left her! He left her just like Ben did! She stood, slowly stepping away. 

“I’m sorry… is there just something about me that screams ‘use me and then just leave me?’ Because I just spent nearly ten years mourning the fact that the man who I believed was my soulmate was dead!” Elizabeth had tried to remain calm but she ended up screeching. Matthias had stood up trying to approach but she took two quick steps back away from him, tears blurring her vision. 

_“No, El you don’t-”_

“DON’T! Because you left me too! You left him! That’s all people ever do to me is leave! Aren’t I important? What about me makes people want to leave!” She screamed, tugging at her hair, tears burning her eyes. Elizabeth’s heart was pounding in her chest. She had known, all along, that Filly was the only person she needed. Elizabeth had stupidly wanted more. This is what she got or it, just more pain, just another abandonment.

She turned to leave and had the door opened before it slammed shut out of her hand. Matthias looming over her from behind, hanging his head low, close to the crook of her shoulder.

_“Listen to me, El.”_ He growled into her ear. A chill went down her spine. _“David got court martialed. He would’ve gone to jail. You were going to get separated no matter what.”_ Matthias told her quietly. That wasn’t what mattered!

“If he had gone to jail I would’ve been told the truth. You don’t understand how much pain I’ve been in the last nine years because you were both gone! You both mattered so much to me, Matthias.” Her voice was shaking with sobs. There was a hesitant hand on her waist.

_“I’m sorry. We should’ve have. Not without telling you. We were going to come back. Things just didn’t work out the way we wanted.”_ He spoke softly, a decade’s worth of guilt in his voice. Elizabeth tried to swallow her tears, to calm down.

_“I know I’ve got no right to say this, but please don’t leave. Don’t leave me.”_ Matthias whispered. He was correct, he had no right to beg her to stay, but if she left she wouldn’t be any better than them. They hadn’t had the option of freedom. Elizabeth stared at the door in front of her, hand tightening on the knob. He stepped back, taking his weight off the door. Matthias was giving her the option.

Elizabeth let her hand fall back to her side and she slowly exhaled. She closed her eyes, attempting to regain her composure. What were they going to even do now? A pleasant chat seemed so unrealistic at the moment, but she couldn’t just leave. Elizabeth turned to look at him. He wasn’t looking at her, eyes dark with shame as he stared heavily at the wall. Matthias wasn’t going to watch her leave, but he wasn’t going to try to stop her.

She gave a sigh and returned to the table, looking at Matthias expectedly as he stood in front of the mirror. Someone had just seen that entire exchange. She scoffed, trying to brush off the episode. Matthias slowly turned his head to look at her, all of a sudden he looked exhausted.

“Now I’m definitely glad I didn’t bring Filly.” She said shakily with a weak smile.

_“You… snap like that often?”_ He asked softly, returning to his place at the table across the table from her.

“...No the first time was when they told me David died. I went manic, they almost had to restrain me, to keep me from hurting myself. There was one other time, but I brought myself back.” She told him, sounding about as tired as he looked.

_“What caused it the second time?”_  Matthias asked, Elizabeth heaved a sigh. 

“It was raining. Felicity and I were camped on the beach. It reminded me of the rainy season on Lucaine. When David and I would dance in the rain. I remembered the fond look on your face as you watched from under some cover. And it filled me with agony because I knew I would never feel that kind of happiness ever again.” She told him. Matthias gave his own sigh and looked down to the table. 

_“We didn’t realize… he thought you could handle it. You were always so happy. Even on Lucaine.”_ Matthias said. Elizabeth shook her head.  

“If I had looked at the situation as it was… I wouldn’t have survived Lucaine.” She replied. He gave a light frown.

_“So you were just coping.”_ He told her and Elizabeth nodded.

There was a knock at the door and it clicked open.

“I think that’s enough for the day, Miss Thatcher.” The strict sounding Moriene Thorne spoke and Elizabeth looked at her. Her forehead was creased with worry and she looked like watching that altercation had taken as much out of her as it did them. Elizabeth agreed, she didn’t want to leave Filly for too long anyways. She turned to Matthias, reaching out and patted his hand with a weak smile. 

“Next time I come, I’ll bring Filly.” She told him and he nodded.

Doctor Thorne shut the door behind them, keeping Matthias inside for a moment. 

“I have to asked you, for the safety of my patient, are you doing anything about your mania? I understand your outburst just now, with years’ worth of genuine emotion being invalidated but I can’t put Matthias’s wellbeing at risk, Miss Thatcher.” She asked Elizabeth, she gave a scandalized gasp. 

“My mania? I’ve only had three outbursts my whole life! Everyone has bad times!” She replied, getting a stern glance from the doctor. 

“The first was years ago, also an understandable one, but how long ago was your last one?” Thorne asked pointedly, raising a brow. Elizabeth paused, trying to think of something to say. 

“About eight months ago.” She said quietly, Thorne hummed.

“You’ve tried to escape reality for a very long time, and it caught up on you. Don’t let this get out of hand. I can’t treat you, due to conflict of interest, but I can recommend you to a colleague if you’d like.” She told Elizabeth. 

Her initial determination was wrong. These two could very easily become codependent. Moriene hadn’t seen fear like that in Matthias’s eyes until he realized Miss Thatcher was going to leave him.

“Th-that’s no big deal, Thorne! He’s done that with both of us! Just because he wants her to stay-” Eva started in Matthias’s defense.

“Did he physically keep you from leaving like he did with her today?” Moriene asked, looking behind her into the day room where the two SPARTANs stood. 

“I mean if we really wanted to leave we could have.” Eva said softly, not meeting Thorne’s gaze. Moriene looked out at Matthias in the garden.

“But could she?”

“Are you fucking me? You analytical bitch! He’s not some monster that needs to kept locked up.” Eva nearly yelled, drawing attention and causing Marcus to place his hand on her shoulder correctively.

“I know that Eva!” Moriene snapped. “I am just as upset about this revelation as you are! Do not call me a bitch because I don’t react as you do!”

Marcus and Eva stared in shock. Thorne set them with the most level gaze she could muster.

“I am his doctor, you are his family. I can’t get upset like you. I have to work through it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go make a report.” Moriene told them, trying to sound even despite the evident shaking in her voice. 

_I can’t get anymore involved than I already have._

 


End file.
